In this soul teaching on healing your money drama, trauma, and karma, you will learn:
It’s been a while since I have written on the topic of money, so this is the perfect time to look back over the past years in which I have drastically changed my money story. I went from living on welfare to six figures, traveling around the world and now living in Ibiza, Spain and the truth is that each level, has its own devil.
Every time you want to make a quantum leap in your relationship with money, you need to release an old belief around money that no longer serves you.
I am sharing with you my personal story not to brag about my success, but to show you what is possible once we tap into the quantum field of unlimited abundance. Scarcity and lack are 3D fear-based concepts, as the Universe itself is created in forever overflowing abundance. What stands in the way of us tapping into this abundance are our own subconscious fears and false beliefs around money.
Especially when we are living in lack, we think that having money solves our problems and it doesn’t because the truth is that it’s not only the poor that have money struggles. People with money, have money struggles too and sometimes it’s the exact same struggles they had when they were poor, except now it’s with larger numbers. This was certainly true for me.
I started off as a single mom on welfare, trying to find a way to be able to earn money from home so that I could be there for my children who had just lost their dad to divorce, their older brother to incarceration, and their baby sister to a rare birth defect. The last thing my kids needed was an absent mother because she was the sole breadwinner and out of the house working 40+ hours a week.
So, I created an online business and got myself and my kids off of welfare. However, it didn’t take long for me to bang up to my own money limitations which kept me unable to get past the 10K a month. If you have to share a percentage of your revenue or you need to pay for staff 10K a month is nothing and unless I was able to get 10K a month I wouldn’t be able to sustain a business. Everything was going downhill at lightning speed at that time and I was searching frantically for a way to turn things around before time ran out, which it of course never does but I was afraid back then it would.
Just, in the nick of time, just before I thought it would all come crashing down I found a past life belief (click on the link to read the story) around believing that it wasn’t safe to be rich and a little after I healed this belief with a healer, the 10K months started flowing in.
But I was still in a very toxic and abusive business relationship which created a lot of stress in my life. In 2014 after the person I worked with had pulled away my team for the umpteenth time to get me to do what he wanted, I hired one of his developers who is still with me now seven years later and I set out to find a designer. As fate had it I found more than that and ended up meeting my Twin Soul, who ran an online web design and marketing company from India.
Our business relationship was very short-lived and through a mutual friend I ended up finding a good designer, who traveled with me when I went to India when my twin and I met face to face. Personally, I am not crazy about the twin label, when I talk about this person I always just say his name. It’s only when I write about him publicly that I use this term for lack of a better way of describing who I am talking about.
That trip to India changed everything and when I came back I phased out my web design and online marketing clients and became an online healer and coach for Twin Flames (I dislike this word even more). When my twin married someone else, I literally felt my soul calling me to move to Ibiza, Spain, and went to check it out. While Spain itself is not an expensive place to live, Ibiza is much more expensive than the rest of Spain which meant that I had to triple my then revenue to be able to live here. Six months later, in a completely new market, I was back to five-figure months and had my first six-figure year shortly after.
When I got back from hosting a retreat in Ibiza I was urged by the signs and synchronicities in my life to go travel the world first. I had no savings in the bank whatsoever, but I was almost debt-free and simply took a leap of faith. Two months into our trip, I had for the first time ever in my life crossed the six-figures.
As synchronicity would have it I was on my way to Egypt when my twin told me in a dream that he was going to be a father. I reached out to congratulate him the next day and after stalling for close to one hour he confirmed that his wife was pregnant and due around the time that I was hosting my next retreat in India. Egypt turned out to be a country that I had huge karma with and that was connected to the child being born to my twin as well.
Our travels actually didn’t get cut short by the pandemic, but by my teenage son railing out of control due to a lack of structure, lack of real-life friendships, and a worsening Fortnite addiction. Traveling the world was not doing him the good I hoped it would. I got him a personal trainer, set out to find a house, and get him back in school which solved both the problem of structure and real-life friends instead of gaming friends that were as addicted as he was.
This is where the story behind this article begins because although I was making good money and was renting a house that was less than one-third of my income I started to see that my money struggles hadn’t changed that much since I had been a single mom on welfare. I was having the exact same money problems except now with a factor of 10x to 20x more money coming in. However, it continued to be the exact same pattern I was playing out, only now with higher numbers.
Money is just energy
We tend to make a big deal out of money, but the truth is that money is just energy. And it’s not just any energy, it’s the energy of love. This is why people who struggle with love, tend to also struggle with money. In other words, our love wounds are our money wounds.
Now let’s first zoom in on this idea that money is love….
Money takes care of us and provides for us. It puts a roof over our head, food on the table, it puts clothes on our bodies. It pays for our hot and cold water, our heating and air conditioning, our furniture, and transport. Money gives us everything we need and more.
Everything that a loving parent would provide for us, money does for us as well. ‘Bad’ people can do bad things with money, but money itself is not bad or evil. Money is love, and the more we can allow ourselves to love ourselves – the more we can allow love and money into our life.
Everyone that wants to go back to a barter system and get rid of money, has not thought things through. Money saves us the time to have to trade to the currency of apples, pineapples, sheep, and so on because our landlord or the telephone company won’t accept grapes. Just imagine paying your phone bill in oranges, or to pump gas at the gas station and pay in coconuts.
Money is not the issue, your hangups around money is what’s creating the money drama you experience. This is why we don’t need to get rid of money but instead get rid of our hangups around it.
Money is love, if we have a difficult relationship with money it’s because deep down we have a difficult relationship with love.
Healing your money story, where to begin….?
Before I share the story of my own subconscious hangups around money that led me to write this article, I first want to get into where our hangups around money come from.
Like all our subconscious fears and false beliefs, our money hangups come from:
- Past life trauma and false beliefs
- Ancestral trauma or passed down false beliefs from our ancestors
- Personal trauma and false beliefs from the collective, our family, religion, country, ethnicity, and so on…
When healing our relationship with money this is where we have to look, to be able to heal how money shows up in our lives. My own money story that I have shared with you, is living proof of this principle. The difference between me being able to go from €1100 a month on welfare to €11.000 and more a month as a business owner is due to the fact that I worked on my subconscious wounds around money.
In the United States, only 12% of female-led businesses bring in more than $100K per year, which means that 88% of these female business owners haven’t crossed the six-figures in their businesses. This was me as well for the first 7 years of entrepreneurship, I was stuck under my own subconsciously self-constructed glass ceiling.
As a business owner, there is no pension plan, you are your pension plan. If you don’t financially plan for your own future, no one else will. What people who don’t own businesses also tend to forget is that businesses pay tax, both VAT and income tax, or other variants depending on your company setup. This means that a considerable part of this 100K goes to the government and that you don’t actually get to keep all of it. It also means that 88% of the female business owners in the United States are just scraping by.
They have created a job for themselves, not a business. But, they don’t have the security and the benefits that come with an actual job.
The reason why so many of these women are just getting by is because, they are banging up against their subconscious blocks to money, and probably if you held a survey they would tell you they also struggled with love. One of my own mentors and my client as well set out to heal what she called ‘the 18-month relationship curse’. Every relationship she had would die out within one and a half years. She healed her wounds towards love with a method she now teaches others, which transformed her money story as well. This allowed her to build a million-dollar business and she has been together with her man for multiple years now.
This is what can happen for all of us when we heal our wounds to love and our stories around money. I really want to make this crystal clear, anyone can do this when they address their subconscious wounds. You do not have to be a business genius, you don’t even need to own a business. You can improve the way money shows up in your life right now, simply working with what you have. If you’re unemployed, this could help you get a job. If you have a job, this could help you get a promotion. Someone who owes you money may suddenly send a check, you may meet a partner who has a more luxurious lifestyle that upgrades yours as well.
Money can come into your life in a million and one ways, once you heal what is causing the disconnect you have between money and you.
What kind of relationship do you have with money?
It all comes down to the relationship you have with money and essentially the relationship you have with love. That is to say, the actual relationship you have with money, not the one you think you have because those are usually two different things. The relationship we think we have with money is based on our conscious beliefs around money.
The actual relationship we have with money is based on our subconscious beliefs around money and the money reality we are living.
Nine times out of ten, we aren’t even aware of how bad our relationship with money is until we dive deep into our money story. This was absolutely true for me, although I had already done so much inner money work and had upgraded my lifestyle drastically. I found out the hard way that my relationship with money despite all my conscious positive beliefs around it was in essence still wrought with fear due to unresolved past life trauma.
Working with one of the healers connected to the School of Inner Union we went to explore my soul’s different timelines around money, Poverty or wealth is just one of the many variables that the soul chooses from to craft each lifetime to support what the soul desires to experience.
Being born in poverty is never meant as a life sentence to remain poor and there are of course many rags to riches stories throughout history that prove this to be true. You are never meant to be poor, you simply chose poverty on a soul level to heal wounds around money or other wounds that require a lack of money to be part of the experience.
In my session with the healer, we first went back to a past life where I was a man in Egypt. I was a merchant who had a lamp shop, but I had something like five or six businesses in total, what we would call multiple streams of income today. I was rich and well respected, I was very talented with money. I not only knew how to make money but also how to invest it and make my investments grow. My name was Achmet, I had a very loving and supportive wife and beautiful children. I not only had a lot of money, but I was also generous with my money and supported my community where it was needed. My ability to receive and to give money was in total flow and harmony.
When we zoomed in on my relationship with money as Achmet, I saw that I considered money my friend. This was also how money showed up in my life as a good friend, that supported me in living a good life, and in realizing my visions and dreams.
Money was my best friend and as such, we did great things together, had a great time doing it, and couldn’t get enough of each other.
Which money program is subconsciously running?
Except this was not the money program I was subconsciously running in my current life. Money and I weren’t BFFs now and so we went to pull up the timeline that was creating the havoc in my current timeline. We instantly first landed back in the past life I had already cleared about it not being safe to be rich, this was a lifetime in England in which my family had betrayed me,
After going crazy and dying in a mental asylum in that lifetime, I came back as a girl being raised by her sickly grandmother. This was also a lifetime in England, where I was around 14 or 15 years old and working as a servant for a rich family. The family was horrible to their staff and exploited them, it was actually much more like slavery but I endured it because I needed the money to take care of my grandmother who was my only living relative.
I had to work extremely hard for my money and on top of it, all the son of the house would rape me. When my grandmother died, I had nothing to live for and I committed suicide because I felt that my life was just too hard for me to continue.
This was the second time that I saw a life in which I had committed suicide which prompted me to look into suicide a little bit deeper. I found that when we commit suicide, we often are stuck in that pattern for multiple lifetimes which I found interesting because I know that in my previous life before my current lifetime I committed suicide as well.
In fact, the story of this past life as the young servant girl Rose and the lifetime as Lies in the Netherlands during the Second World War (read her story here) are very similar. They both were poor, had very hard and difficult lives, they both were sexually abused, and only had one source of love in their life. Rose had her sickly grandmother that she needed to take care of and Lies had her married lover.
It would not surprise me if, in the lifetime that I felt betrayed by my family who had me locked up in an asylum to get control over my money, I committed suicide as well or in another lifetime in between then and now. But it would seem that in my lifetime as Rose, Lies, and even my current lifetime now, that we are still healing the wounds of the betrayal I felt by my family, that created deep wounds of love.
Wounds of love that I did not have in the lifetime of Achmet, where I had a very loving and supportive wife, children, family, and community.
How unresolved trauma ends up becoming karma
What makes all of the above even more interesting was how the story of Rose was still playing out in my life right now. Rose had a very fearful relationship with money and she was deeply entrapped in scarcity- and lack-programming, this was also true for Lies in the other life as she grew up in a church orphanage where she was raised to become a nun. Lies owned nothing, earned nothing, and had nothing. She was as poor as a church mouse. My current life is the first lifetime in which I have broken this pattern of poverty.
The poverty I had chosen from my fear-based belief that being rich meant losing everything including myself due to the traumatic experience of being betrayed by my family for money and being committed to a mental asylum. Poverty became my reality because I subconsciously believed that poverty would keep me safe and wealth would put me at risk of being hurt.
This is why Rose and Lies had almost no family and practically no money because they were still trying to heal the trauma of the life where I was a wealthy English lord, who was stripped of everything by what he perceived as his greedy family.
But, because I had checked out prematurely in both of those lives I was still left with people, experiences, and situations being pulled into my current life to heal the original trauma of the English lord, but also the accumulated trauma of these lifetimes where I had added to the unresolved trauma and pain as these two young women, which was why the past life trauma of first Lies and now Rose was getting triggered.
Rose’s dominant belief around money was that you had to work hard to have it.
At first, I thought maybe it was ancestral as my mother’s side of the family is not very affluent. My mother also had to work extremely hard for her money in her life, was it maybe that I subconsciously didn’t want to make my mother feel bad by not having to work as hard for my money as she did?
But the truth is that I have also had to work hard to get where I am now. I just didn’t need to break my back doing it, like my mother who had worked as a nurse most of her life and cleaned houses to earn a living when we lived in America and has always only had just enough to get by.
Interestingly enough, when I made a shift in my business that would allow me to create money with more ease and without depleting myself as I had been doing for the past years and years – Rose’s lifetime came up to be cleared. This is because her belief was stilled stored in the subconscious and it contradicted my conscious desire, to earn money with more ease.
The subconscious is they say 3000x more powerful than the conscious, so it will cancel out our conscious desires if they are conflicting with the installed software (our fears and false beliefs).
Ever since I moved into my current house, which was a year ago, I have been struggling with my money flow and I went into an energy of worry around money. It didn’t keep me up at night, but there was less flow, more struggle and I definitely had to work even harder to create the amount of money I needed to pay for everything and live comfortably.
This all made COMPLETE sense when I recognized the family’s son in Rose’s lifetime. This man had come back in my current life as my landlord and he had not changed much. I remember describing how the family in Rose’s life treated their staff, which was like disposable objects.
That is exactly how my landlord treats his tenants as well, despite the fact that we (my neighbors and I, the house next to ours is also his) almost paid him a six-figure amount in rent over the past year. Not only that, I recently found out that I pay six thousand a year more than all the other long-term tenants in our complex. The owner of the real estate agency, through which I got the rental contract lives here as well and they pay five hundred a month less for the exact same house, square meters, amount of rooms, etc.
What I realized is that I was in this situation with this man, because his family not only extorted me in a previous lifetime, he had been the one that raped me. I was here as his tenant, experiencing the same energy from him because I still needed to forgive him and restore our connection back to love on a soul level.
My mother always says that the people you live with, buy a house, or rent from are people that you have karma with and that was certainly true in this case.
We are so used to thinking that karma is either a reward or a punishment, that we don’t realize that karma is the unresolved energy that we carry with us from previous lifetimes. Rose hated her life so much, that she ended it. She had nothing to live for and the family she worked for only made it worse, especially the family’s son who also used her for his own gratification.
These themes of family betrayal (the English lord) and being used for someone’s own gratification (Rose and Lies) played out again in my current life through the incest I experienced as a very young child. This does not make my father’s behavior acceptable, but it does show us the underlying soul dynamics at play and how accurate ‘karma’ (unresolved trauma energy) works. It literally attracts to it, its own to help us heal it.
There was a lot of unresolved trauma and pain that I was still subconsciously carrying from these different timelines, which pulled in the people, situations, and experiences to help me heal it once and for all. This healing included reconnecting to the soul that was one of the main characters in Rose’s life to restore our soul connection back to love.
This shows us that karma doesn’t always manifest itself the way we would think it does. Looking at it from a 3D perspective, you would think this man owed me. Yet, here he was back in my life treating me exactly like he had in his lifetime with Rose.
I had recently emailed him to discuss lowering the rent and despite having had renters from hell in the past and me having improved the house a lot, he told me he had no issue at all with me leaving. I remember saying to a friend that the money itself, wasn’t even the main issue for me, but what really rubbed me the wrong way was his attitude of complete lack of appreciation.
It was that energy of being completely disposable to him, that really hit a nerve for me because that was the unresolved trauma from the lifetime of Rose that I was still subconsciously carrying.
Had he simply made it up to me by being a loving and generous landlord, I would not have been triggered to release the unresolved pain and trauma around that lifetime that I still carried. These were such low vibrational energies that were stuck such as shame, guilt, hopelessness, anger, despair, resentment, and so on from that lifetime as Rose that still needed to be released.
Not to mention her false belief that you need to work hard to earn money and the utterly fear-based relationship she had with money that was so deeply anchored in scarcity-, survival-, and lack-programming.
It might have been more comfortable for me if he had been more generous and loving, but by showing up the way he has, he gave me an even bigger gift – the opportunity to heal my relationship with money (through love) on a much deeper level.
Shifting from fear to love
At this moment I cannot tell you yet how healing this past life will work through in my relationship with my landlord, but I know it can only be one of two options; either he changes and our relationship is restored to love not only on a soul level but also on a physical level or we are moved out of each other’s lives because our karma is done.
I absolutely love this house and I love living here, but I also know that if this house has served its purpose that something better will come and that everything that is needed to support me now, will align perfectly. I will write an update when the energetic shifts have manifested themselves physically.
We all have a choice to run our lives including money on the platform of fear or the platform of love, consciously we will of course always choose the platform of love. I hope in sharing my own story, you are able to see how past (life) experiences can have us subconsciously still running the program of fear without us even realizing it.
Part of the Ascension process is fully shifting from the operating system of fear to love, and money is just another area of our lives where we have to change our subconscious operating system.
Clearing this lifetime of Rose, was my opportunity to shift my operating system from fear to love. I also cannot share yet how this will work through in my finances, as it has only been days since I saw this lifetime – the shift in energy is still working through. I will also write a future update on how this changed my money story.
I decided last year to become a millionaire, simply because I want to experience the fun, joy, ease, and freedom that comes along with this level of expansion and to create generational wealth that I can pass onto my children and grandchildren. I was not passed on any generational wealth from my own parents, my mother is still alive and my father is deceased. There was a small inheritance from my father, but my stepmother seems to have disappeared with the four shares that were meant for my father’s biological children,
This is yet another example of conscious desire conflicting with subconscious beliefs: the lifetime of Rose was subconsciously canceling out my desire for such wealth and ease, her pattern of believing that you have to work hard to earn money definitely kept me in struggle mode as well. This is because the subconscious applies all beliefs to the self in the here and now as if they are still true today. So, even though this was her belief say around two centuries ago, the subconscious mind still believed it was true for me today and created my external money reality based on this false belief.
Being able to take a peek into Achmet’s lifetime and money story, on the other hand, showed me that I had been running the operating system of love before and if I had done it before, it means I can do it again. It was only unresolved trauma that had bumped me off of it. I could now choose to go back to love, in the same way as that I had chosen to restore the relationship with my landlord’s soul back to love.
Yet, this is only possible when we have addressed the underlying trauma that shifted the operating system in the first place. We can’t bypass trauma, simply by willing things to be so. This is a huge misconception in for example the Law of Attraction scene, where they believe that they can consciously reprogram their subconscious beliefs by using pure will and repetition. This often triggers the unresolved trauma that is blocking the conscious desire to be played out in their reality experience, much in the same way that I have had to for example play out certain aspects of the lifetime as Rose in my current reality.
I pray this teaching on money helps you shift your operating system from fear to love, please check out our offer below to be able to work with the exact same healers that have helped me transform my money story. Students of the School of Inner Union get access to my personal team of healers. This is an extra service to my clients to allow them to hit the ground running.
Update 2 September 2021 – the energy between the landlord and I has already shifted to neutral. In a session with a healer who is also clairvoyant, she was reading my energy and asked if I had moved since our last session which I have not. The energy around the house had shifted so deeply that it almost felt as if I lived in a different place. The only thing that changed has been my decision to lead by example and be the love I want to see.