Healing The Wounded Masculine Within to Attract the Exalted Masculine into Your Life

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I have written this article towards healing the inner masculine, but it applies just as much towards healing the inner feminine as these energies are complementary.

How is the masculine showing up in your life?

Whether we are born male or female, we all have an inner masculine (animus) and inner feminine (anima) within us. As men we have an inner feminine inside of us, together with the inner masculine and as women vice versa. But it goes further than this, our inner relationship between the masculine and the feminine within ourselves is the template for what our most intimate relationships in our external reality look like.

It is through our external relationships, that we can get an idea of the inner relationship of our own Divine Feminine and Divine Masculine within and how wounded they are as our external reality will reflect this back to us. However the feminine or masculine is showing up externally, is directly linked to how present (or absent) and healed (or wounded) our inner feminine and masculine template are.

This goes even beyond people as the masculine and feminine represent other aspects within our life as well. The masculine for example represents protection, support and being provided for. When our inner masculine is absent or weak this is exactly what we can struggle with feeling safe (anxiety), feeling supported and feeling provided for (money).

When we heal the wounded masculine within, it affects how the masculine shows up and is reflected back to us in our outer reality. It changes the way men treat us, it changes the way men show up as romantic partners and it changes the way we perceive the masculine in everything. It also makes life easier because we feel supported, secure and provided for instead of left to fend for our own (more on that later).

Decoding your inner masculine template

When our inner masculine is healed and in its exalted state as the Divine Masculine, he supports, holds, protects and provides for the Divine Feminine. He is the platform on which she shines and fully opens and blossoms. The Divine Feminine can only open and blossom when she feels supported and safe, which is why it is so important to heal our inner masculine template so our inner Divine Feminine and Divine Masculine can come into union instead of the power struggle they are currently in.

The Divine Masculine is what allows us to do, to take decisive action, open, loving, and faith-based. The masculine listens to the Divine Feminine’s knowledge, receives her intuitive wisdom with openness, and then acts on that knowledge with confidence. This dynamic is ONLY possible if they trust each other. As long as they are in a power struggle they will continue to sabotage each other internally, which causes the failures we experience in our external world.

This power struggle is reflected back to us in our outer reality, where we seek to find the external union in our intimate relationships that is missing deeply inside. Which means we have got things flipped inside out, because an external union cannot bring us inner union – yet the reversed is true. Inner union, can and will be reflected back to us as outer union. Everything we seek has to be created from the inside out. Because the external is a reflection of the internal, it cannot reflect back to us what is missing within.

Which is why we have to heal the wounded masculine within, in order to have this be reflected back to us in the external reality.

The wounded masculine can show up in two ways:

Collapsed inner masculine

When the inner masculine is collapsed, it is either weak or absent. A collapsed inner masculine has us finding it difficult to find or keep love. It has us attract emotionally unavailable partners or difficulties finding love at all. When we have a collapsed inner masculine, our inner feminine doesn’t trust the masculine to protect her, support her and provide for her. The Divine Feminine feels abandoned by the inner masculine and left to fend for her own.

People with a collapsed inner masculine find it difficult to set boundaries as it’s the inner masculine that we use to protect ourselves, with the inner masculine absent or weakened this protective measure becomes weak as well. The ability to set healthy boundaries is learned in our childhood and becomes impaired through trauma and abuse. Source: Heal For Life

It’s therefore no surprise that one of the major reasons for a collapsed inner masculine is abuse which left the developing inner masculine unable to protect himself and the inner feminine against the abuse by a stronger adult.

Another reason for a collapsed inner masculine is an absent or emotionally unavailable father figure, although that could be a chicken or the egg dilemma as one could argue that if one already has a collapsed inner masculine that the soul would choose an absent or emotionally unavailable father in an attempt to help heal the broken inner masculine template.

In my work with men and recently also with a female client I also see patterns of exiling the inner masculine due to inner disgust towards or rejection of the masculine based on past life trauma. The majority of the men that I have worked with have felt more comfortable in their inner feminine energy and needed help bringing their inner masculine out of exile. This has subsequently allowed them to re-embody their masculinity deeper.

Overpowering inner masculine

An overpowering inner masculine has us shutting down our feminine side, our intuition, our spiritual gifts and so on. The inner masculine doesn’t trust the inner feminine and therefore silences her, belittles her and her feelings – so that he can be in charge.

When we struggle with an overpowering inner masculine, this is how the important men in our lives show up as well – think of a father, brothers, boyfriends and partners or husbands. They will show up as the externalization of this inner masculine template.

The overpowering inner masculine takes up all the space and leaves little room for the inner feminine who makes herself small, unheard and unseen out of fear of her own inner masculine. When the inner masculine is overpowering, the masculine is present in one’s life and so being in a relationship is not the challenge for this group of people in the way it is for those with a collapsed inner masculine – where the masculine is also often absent externally.

I have always taught that the souls use closeness and distance (separation) to bring up the subconscious wounding and people with an overpowering inner masculine will find that they heal the deepest through closeness because that is their biggest challenge. If someone is overpowering but absent or at a distance most of the time, that doesn’t really affect you. If you have to live with them in the same house and sleep in the same bed, then it’s a different story and so if this is your internal masculine template it can only be reflected back to you – up close and personal.

It will then come as no surprise that one of my clients, that is actually together (living) with her Soul Partner was the first one to have an overpowering inner masculine, while the majority of the other female clients had collapsed inner masculines and they were all in extended separation with their person.

It also shows us that our Soul Partners or Divine counterparts mirror us our inner wounding, the female client with the overpowering inner masculine template her partner was overpowering as well. The women with a collapsed inner masculine, of course had their person show signs of a collapsed inner masculine too. This shows up as the collapsed inner masculine instead of moving in an outward direction, reverting inward, collapsing into himself, which makes him lose his potency. He becomes shut off, passive and mushy, creating boundaries by withdrawing and isolating himself, instead of defining his territory and asserting his wants and needs.

How our inner masculine got wounded

It’s an illusion to think that it was just one thing that lead to a broken inner masculine or inner feminine template. The reality is that this wounding is held in different layers that re-enforce the wounded patterning. It’s not just your traumatic childhood, or that past life trauma, it’s also not only our 6.000 years of patriarchal conditioning or the trauma and belief systems passed on through your maternal and paternal lineage (your ancestors).

It’s all of them rolled up into one big ball of knotted and entangled yarn, that has to be unraveled patiently and takes as long as it takes. It can’t be rushed, but it can be worked on.

Collective wounding

When it comes to collective wounding around the masculine and feminine then we need look no further than the past say 6.000 years of patriarchy. When I talk about the patriarchy, I am not referring to toxic masculinity or the idea that men are evil. Patriarchy is a set of belief systems based in the idea that men are superior to women that limited both men and women.

Not only that as women we have been men who have held patriarchal beliefs toward women in previous lifetimes and those of you who are men currently reading this article, have been women at the receiving end of patriarchal behavior. As souls we have all been able to experience both sides of the coin, as men and women experiencing male superiority and female inferiority and everything in between – aka inequality.

As women part of healing the inner masculine template is removing past life patriarchal beliefs from male lifetimes towards women. For men its past life beliefs as a woman towards patriarchal men. As these subconscious false inner beliefs of male superiority or female inferiority stand in the way of the inner union (and equality) of the Divine Feminine and the Divine Masculine within.

If your inner masculine subconsciously beliefs to be superior to your inner feminine based on past life patriarchal conditioning – he will not listen to her, he will believe he knows better and he will do what he feels is best. In other words he will overpower her, because he believes she is inferior and cannot be trusted to have a voice.

The tricky thing with collective wounding such as patriarchal conditioning is that it seeps through in all timelines. It can seep through in ancestral wounding, past life wounding and inner child wounding due to our families of origin, our cultural conditioning, religious programming and so on. The more aspects of patriarchal conditioning we have in our life, the stronger the internal programming of this belief system.

Ancestral wounding

In my own journey ancestral wounding didn’t start to show up in a significant way until the very end. Yes, my grandparents did show up before to assist in my healing process. But it wasn’t till the end that I was shown how it all came together with my past life wounding, childhood wounding and how my ancestral lineage on both my mother and father’s side played into that.

On my mother’s side there was a subconscious pattern passed on from my great grandfather to my grandmother and my mother regarding the subconscious fear of being hurt by men. On my father’s side there was a subconscious belief that men will hurt you by betrayal (cheating and abuse) passed on from my great grandmother to my grandfather and my father.

It’s no wonder seeing these two matching belief systems that my father and mother were attracted to each other like a moth to the flame. They were like two puzzle pieces that fit perfectly into each other’s wounding.

Another pattern stemming from my grandmother, passed on to my mother and then to  me has only fortified the collapsed inner masculine template I was born with. It centralizes around the inability to really deeply feel our emotions (in other words repressing emotions) that would otherwise propel the inner masculine into action.

The collapsed inner masculine disconnects from the feminine by shutting off her life-giving and nurturing energy, which leads to him not wanting to know what she feels because it’s too painful for him to know because he feels inadequate to support and protect her. It confronts him with his own pain of feeling inadequate or man enough to give her what she needs.

Even though this has been passed on through the maternal lineage, it has fed into a collapsed inner masculine template in both my mother and myself. The masculine has been even more absent in my mother’s life, than in my own. The original wound however was my grandmother being cut off from her life-giving and nurturing energy at a young age, when my great grandmother died of cancer.

This started a pattern of caring for our mother, that repeated itself all the way until my daughter. My grandmother nursed my great grandmother, then had children of her own. My grandmother nearly died in childbirth when she had twins and my mother at the age of six started nursing her mother, she actually became a nurse and worked both with cancer patients and specialized in postnatal care. When I was a little girl, my mother was a battered woman and I emotionally started taking care of her and then I had children of my own.

I was not being physically abused when my daughter was young, but I was in a loveless marriage and was being cheated on (playing out my paternal lineage wounding). I had my hands full with a baby, an out of control teenager (her older brother) and a marriage falling apart. The only role available to her was that of total support which didn’t allow her the space to individuate the way that other children would have or that even her siblings were able to do because they were not stuck with the same role she had felt no other option but to fulfill.

In the same way my mother had taken on the role of taking care of her mother, and I had taken on the role of surrogate spouse to my mom. The pattern remains the same being cut off from this (mother/feminine) nurturing energy, life force energy at an early age because the mother was emotionally and energetically ‘lost’ in that moment – even though she was physically still there.

This was true for my mom, for me and for my daughter – our mothers were still alive but not emotionally available to us in the way that we needed them to be.

This isn’t even in how the mother showed up, but the perception of the child. Two days after my youngest son was born, I was outside with my daughter to go to the library to get books to read to her. A mini mommy-daughter date, to give her some one on one time with me. It’s not in the things we do or the good intentions we have, it’s in the subconscious patterns and deeper family dynamics that these inner decisions are made.

My grandmother never asked my six year old mother to take care of the household, but my six year old mother stepped into that role because my grandmother wasn’t capable of it at that time. My mother never consciously asked me to step in as her emotional support, seeing her being slapped from room to room by my dad made me volunteer myself.

And although my mother, myself and my daughter all volunteered to step into these rolls what we were really doing was playing out my grandmother’s traumatic experiences of losing her mother to cancer at an early age and not being able to live with the grief or talk about it as that was not done in those days.

Grief was buried with the dead, and was thought to be best left alone. I have asked both my mother and my twin aunties to tell me what they know about the relationship between my grandmother and her mother and they know absolutely nothing – it was never talked about. My grandmother had goiter when she was still alive and the first listed psychosomatic cause behind goiter is the inability to feel one’s emotions deeply in other words, repressing them because they were too painful to allow in.

Past life wounding

I don’t know about my mother and daughter, but I know for me shutting down my feelings was a past life theme too. Around 1000 AD I was a young (15 year old) nun in a Russian church, where the nuns were sexually abused within the church and then forced abortions upon and other painful procedures to be able to have sex with the women without consequences. I experienced so much pain in that lifetime, that I ‘cut off’ my ability to feel, because the pain I was exposed to in that lifetime was unbearable.

Just to be clear when I am talking about shutting off deeper feelings, it doesn’t mean not being able to feel anything. Say that you can experience feelings within a range of 1 to 10, we would be talking about dialing it down to 5 for example. But the problem is of course, that it applies to all feelings not just painful ones. When one dials back the ability to feel, one also muffles the happy, ecstatic and blissful emotions so to speak.

In a session with a client we went to her childhood initially where she was forever trying to appease her irritated and moody father, trying to keep the peace and desperately trying to keep her and her family members safe from his anger. Childhood trauma is always connected to past lives, it’s never something out of context or random even when at first sight it appears to be because we don’t see the karmic pattern behind it.

When we went to look to the past life origin, the exact same story played out with different players but the essence was the same. When this happens, it indicates a karmic pattern which means that there is a deeper underlying wounding at the core of this pattern.

We went back to a scene at a river bank which initially caused a lot of resistance and physical discomfort in the client including nausea. In the past life she saw herself as a baby with a woman and a man, the woman had just died in childbirth and the man who she identified as the father was frantic and didn’t know what to do. I asked her to look at what happened next and the nausea became worse, as she re-experienced violently being shaken and dying because of it.

Initially she could not forgive the father, until we asked her higher self to show us what had really happened. She was shown that she as the baby wouldn’t stop crying and in his desperation, not knowing what to do he had shaken her never with the intention of hurting her and he was devastated when he lost her as well. It was however this past life experience that had set her up for this repetitive pattern of seeking to protect herself from moody or irritated men because this past life trauma made her feel unsafe in their presence. This subconscious pattern naturally also pulled in men to her experience that matched her wounding, allowing her to re-experience the unresolved pain in order to heal it once and for all.

Another theme that often comes up in past lives is what I mentioned earlier our past life patriarchal beliefs as men towards women, when we are women in this lifetime and vice versa as men. One of my clients that I am working with in the Healing the Divine Masculine Within series went back to a previous lifetime in which she was an Arabian prince that looked down on women. This may seem trivial, but releasing these false beliefs around female inferiority and male superiority is vital for the inner union (sacred marriage) of the Divine Feminine and the Divine Masculine within that I will elaborate more on further on in this article.

I have personally also had subconscious patriarchal beliefs toward women come up from previous male lifetimes, in one of the more religious lifetimes I believed that men and women were not created equal in the eyes of God, because of the whole false notion that Eve was created out of Adam’s rib which turned out to be a wrong translation (read more about this here).

Inner child wounding

Our relationship with our fathers further re-enforces our inner masculine template (our mothers our inner feminine template). Is your father absent or present? Is he emotionally available or unavailable? Is he overpowering or abusive? As I indicated before it’s a bit of the chicken and the egg dilemma when it comes to childhood trauma and wounding, as our souls tend to pick the parents and ancestral lineage that allows us optimal healing.

It’s not my grandmother or my mother’s fault that I took on this ancestral wounding, although they could have been the ones to break it in their lifetime which would have worked through to me and my daughter if they had. The truth is of course that I already had this pattern from a previous lifetime, which matched theirs and made them the ideal lineage for me to be born into as they were like me trying to heal this aspect within themselves.

Going back to my childhood however, the relationship with my father further re-enforced both my past life and ancestral patterning when he sexually abused me at a really young age. A childhood survival mechanism to deal with sexual abuse is dissociation (shutting off the pain). A child may not have control over what happens to their body, but they can control what they allow themselves to feel. Many children flee the experience, by ‘leaving’ their bodies during the abuse as a coping mechanism.

When I went back to my early childhood years I realized I never wanted to be a girl, which went all the way back to that traumatic experience as the Russian nun but was also relevant now because I believed that I was sexually abused by my father only because I was a girl. I believed that it wasn’t safe to be a woman and I was afraid to truly embody my femininity fully again, because of the collapsed inner masculine or absence of the masculine to protect, support and provide for me.

When the inner masculine collapses, the inner feminine has to take over the task of protecting herself. In other words, she will try to take on the function of the inner male. Since your inner female is the receptive part of your nature, responsible for your ability to open up and receive, the only way she can protect herself is by closing off and becoming more rigid – decreasing her ability to be feminine and instead making her more masculine internally despite any outer feminine appearance.

How to heal the inner masculine

I have used much of my own story in this article as it illustrates the best how all different aspects re-enforce our inner masculine and inner feminine templating. As I have illustrated by sharing much of my own story, healing the inner masculine or inner feminine template is not a one-off thing. It’s not just a question of healing one past lifetime, healing the inner child, or breaking generational curses (passed on trauma through the ancestral lineage) not to mention all the patriarchal wounding bleeding through in various different timelines.

There is no quick fix.

That being said, I have developed a technique over the past five years that allows for targeted access to the Akashic Records to pull up the wounding we want to address to the degree that is possible at that time. If you have hardly done any healing then the road is longer of course, than if you have already unraveled a lot of your subconscious wounding.

In the same way that we can access the Akashic Records to pull up money blocks, we can also pull up the information we need to get a deeper understanding of our internal balance of the masculine and feminine within us. In the Healing the Divine Masculine Within series I take clients on a three month journey to heal their inner masculine template, through working in the Akashic Records and supporting their inner process with Bach Flower remedies.

These inner shifts shift outer realities as well, because our external world is nothing but a reflection of our inner reality. Healing the inner masculine and inner feminine template has a powerful effect on what is mirrored back to us in our everyday life. When we heal the wounded masculine within, the men in our life will start to respond differently to us including strangers. As our energy changes, it changes our experiences.

Hieros Gamos – the sacred marriage within

All of this inner work has only one purpose and that is to come into the sacred union within of our own Divine Feminine and Divine Masculine inside ourselves. To restore ourselves back to our Divine blueprint of unification and of total equality of the internal feminine and masculine.

As souls we are androgynous, both male and female in complete harmony and unity with one another. This is our Divine blueprint, that we are meant to embody in the physical.

I recently experienced the inner Hieros Gamos in a session with a healer. I was stuck in bed with a painful ear infection in my right ear (masculine side) so we did the session by phone. As we journeyed into what my soul had prepared for me, we saw my Divine Masculine energy come down to the root chakra to unlock my Divine feminine energy coming up from the Earth, that had been blocked and was now able to flow up together with the Divine Masculine and become one in the sacred chambers of the heart.

In the heart chakra the healing facilitator could see my inner Divine Feminine and Divine Masculine sit on the throne as King and Queen, which is of course a metaphorical image for the healed inner feminine and inner masculine in their exalted state.

The hieros gamos is imperative in the inner union process as these two lower quotes explain, this inner union of the Divine Feminine and the Divine Masculine is what enables us to come into full inner union with our soul:

“Within each and every one of us, there is masculine and feminine energy. The masculine is associated with the right-hand side of the body, the feminine the left.

We want to find an equal balance of both within because then we can experience harmony – A merging of body and soul, spirit and matter – a divine union, a sacred marriage, the hieros gamos.

The Kundalini lies coiled within the sacrum or sacred bone and carries within it a sacred dimension.

Once the two energies are balanced, and the chakras cleared, the kundalini can make a safe passage from within the Sacrum up through Sushumna and out through Sahasrara – the Crown chakra.” Source: TempleSoul.com

“When it reaches the crown chakra and stays there it means that it has engulfed, healed and transcended all the imbalances up to this level. This represents a unity between Kundalini, the soul and the higher self.

From this point on, the only way to go is “up”. This means that it will enable a Divine level of consciousness to manifest throughout all activities of life.

At this level, the Kundalini energy will spread like a waterfall of light and love towards everyone and everything around you.” Source: Reikiscoop.com

Because the inner marriage of the Divine Feminine and the Divine Masculine within is the template for external union, the only logical thing to do is to work on this inner union instead of on its reflection. You can’t fix anything from the outside in, you can only create lasting results from the inside out – which is where your focus should be. It doesn’t really matter what your current relationship status is, by healing the inner masculine and feminine template within your reality will start shifting in the way you would like it to.

I pray this article has helped you understand the significance of healing the inner feminine and masculine template and how this plays into a higher union with the soul and the overall Ascension process. Once we have exalted our inner masculine and feminine, this will be reflected back to us in our physical reality in all ways and not ONLY just our romantic relationships.

If you are interested and excited to know how we can help you in your Inner Union and Ascension process, join the Tribe Mystery School for modern-day Initiates on the Soul Partnership and Ascension path. In our signature program, the Inner Union Soul Alchemy Program we walk you step by step through the process of coming into inner union with your own soul. Tribe members also get access to my own personal team of healers, who have assisted me in my inner union process. Inner union, is a prerequisite for true Soul Partnership union and creating ‘Heaven on Earth’ from the inside out.

You can also book an Akashic Record Clearing to release deep pain and trauma (including fears and false beliefs) from this and previous lifetimes.

Sending you love and light on your Ascension path and Soul Partnership journey, you are forever protected and guided. All is well.

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Lots of love,

Sabriyé Dubrie

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Sabriyé Ayana is the leading expert on the Soul Partnership journey and Inner Union process. As a spiritual teacher and healer, she helps those seeking to attract or reunite with their Soul Partner to understand that this journey is not just about creating a fairy-tale and they lived happily ever after together... Download the free Inner Union Soul Alchemy manuscript to find out more.