Betrayal has been a big theme in my life
One day recently I realized I had a red thread throughout the relationships with the most important men in my life. They all betrayed me brutally and when I say brutally I mean they hurt me and shocked me to the core because I never expected them to betray me in the way they have.
I had trusted each and everyone of them blindly I loved them and they loved me.
You may recognize the below mosaic as the kiss of Judas, a Biblical story we almost all know whether we grew up in a religion or not. It’s how Judas marked Jesus within a crowd so that he could be arrested. The story is one of betrayal brought on by greed or so it seems, which we will explain later on in this article so you will understand the true nature of things.
But first let’s go back to my story of betrayal that I was slowly uncovering…
What is the worst way a father can betray a daughter?
Through sexualizing the relationship.
What is the worst way a husband can betray his wife?
By cheating on her while she is pregnant with his child.
What is the worst way a lover can betray his beloved?
By marrying someone else and starting a family with her…
All of the above are experiences I had in this lifetime.
I was sexually abused by my father at a very young age. In my second marriage my then husband had an affair with the same woman, both times I was pregnant with his child. Then I met my Divine counterpart and despite the fact that we knew practically from day one that we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together, he married someone else under pressure from his Indian family and they had a son before the second year of their marriage was over.
Despite the fact that he had promised me three months into his arranged marriage that he didn’t know if he would ever leave her, but that if he would he would be on a plane the very next day to come to me. Not exactly the words of a husband in love with his blushing bride.
So when he came into my dreams to tell me his wife was pregnant when even his best friend didn’t know yet – it felt like the worst betrayal ever. This was OURS! This is what we had said we wanted together and now he had made someone else pregnant that he wasn’t even in love with. When he had told me before if it had been up to him, we would already be together and have everything we always talked about. Him making her pregnant so quickly just didn’t add up.
Betrayal was ramping up in my life and especially with the most important men in my life…
But it took me some time to be able to see the pattern. I had known about the incest with my father, but I had not realized to which extent I had been abused. When I finally remembered all the details, putting all the pieces of the puzzle together – painted a picture that had been just as devastating as the betrayal by my husband and my Divine counterpart.
As I write this I realize that it was in fact after the deep betrayal I felt by my Divine counterpart making his wife pregnant, that I was able to reach the subconscious memories of a one time event in which my father betrayed me beyond words – by painfully violating my body at a very young age. This is probably also why my Divine counterpart showed up in my dream at the beginning of the pregnancy to help me remember.
He confirmed the pregnancy the next day in a one hour chat on Facebook messenger. My Divine counterpart tried to stall as long as possible but in the end told me the baby was due the 1st of January. He knew better than anyone what this meant for the promise he had made me….
He knew how deeply he had betrayed us by his actions and so he took it as a man the next day when I went ballistic on him for mindlessly giving to someone else, that which had been so important and sacred to us. I understood the marriage, but this was something else. It had been the happiest day in his life when I told him I wanted him as my husband and that I wanted his child – he had been so careful with me not to get me pregnant until he was sure he could stay with me when we were together in India. Now he was popping out babies because his wife and mother put pressure on him? How could he?! And why did he want to tell me about it?
He knew how devastating it would be to me. He knew how I was still struggling to move on better than anyone else, because he had bared the brunt of my frustration every now and then when I had to let go and surrender even deeper and gave him an earful of what I felt. He always stuck with me through those storms, no matter how angry I got he would always listen to me and forgive me – almost relieved I was still talking to him.
When a pattern keeps repeating itself…
From my work with my clients in the Akashic Record Clearings I offer, I have learned if you keep recreating the same type of drama over and over again, it’s because of a past life trauma.
It’s like Groundhog day – you keep looping until you get it right.
This was certainly a lot of painful drama that I had gone through with my father, my second husband and my Divine counterpart who had gotten married in 2017 and lived on the other end of the world. We weren’t even talking to each other at that time, so why was he showing up in my dreams to let me know that he was going to be a father? Why did I need to know this baby was coming? Why did he feel the need to prepare me months in advance?
It made no sense.
Unless somehow, someway all of this served a higher good that I wasn’t able to see yet.
This certainly proved to be true as his baby was a vital instrument in embodying my soul self, a process that started after I had no choice but to deal with the fact that this soul was on it’s way. I realized that if the baby was showing up in my reality in this way it was because I was connected to this soul as well. Which turned out to be true, the baby had been ours in a previous lifetime in Egypt and I had a karmic debt with the soul because I denied him life in that lifetime.
And do you know what his father and I were taking about that one hour on Facebook messenger? About past lives and soul retrieval from Ancient Egypt. My Divine counterpart even admitted that he loved to watch YouTube vids about ancient civilizations mainly Indian and Egyptian, which told me his guides and higher self were also helping him process our past life memories from that time.
It wasn’t however till I uncovered the childhood abuse memory by my father that I started to see the pattern of betrayal by the men I loved. In my own Akashic Record Clearing sessions I have a method to bring my clients to the underlying and even original wounding, but the healers I work with, work differently and I can’t do for myself what I do for my clients because I can’t be both the guide and the guided at the same time.
So even though I had started to recognize the pattern, I wasn’t able to access it and obviously I wasn’t meant to yet because otherwise it would have come up in a session. It simply wasn’t the right time yet.
Because our Divine Partnership is used by Spirit to serve the collective, we often get delayed and rerouted in order to understand the teaching that needs to be passed on. If that had not been the case, the obstacles that are keeping us apart would have been dissolved by now, but then I couldn’t have shared all these deep teachings with you. It’s been the unexpected twists and turns that have brought the deepest insights about both the Divine Partnership journey as well as understanding the initiations of the Ascension path and how the two are intricately connected.
Accessing the underlying trauma
Last Friday, quite unexpectedly actually as I have been working on a completely different theme these past one to two months – I accessed the underlying past life trauma around betrayal that all of the above men in my life were trying to help me release.
If the latter makes you raise an eyebrow, that is what we teach here and also the basis of this article that our current day drama are attracted into our lives by the subconscious mind in order to help us PLAY out past life trauma so that we can heal it once and for all.
If you are interested in learning more about this concept join our FREE 21 day e-course The Love Project where we explain this and many other spiritual principles that will help you on your Divine Partnership journey and Ascension path.
In the healing session the healer brought me to a body of water and asked me to look at it and describe to her what I saw. I saw a creek with many stones in it and ice cold water running through it. The creek reminded me of my summers in Montana as a child. She then asked me to look around to see if I saw any animals around, perhaps a power animal? To my great surprise I saw a moose, not one of the most attractive animals I thought to myself when I spotted him by the water.
The healer then asked me to look into the stream and see if there was anything that caught my eye. As I was wondering in my mind where on Earth this was going I felt pulled toward a spot out in the water on the right side of me. I waded over there and saw a large nugget of gold glistering in the water as the sun hit it in exactly the right angle to catch my attention.
I bend to pick up this rather sizable nugget of gold and I started dancing like an idiot. I realize I am a man during the gold rush and that I found gold. Next thing I know I get whacked over the head with a shovel so badly that my body is launched in the air and I land on my back and head on the rocks in the shivering cold water. I keep seeing this re-run of my legs being swept out under me and then it’s over and I realize I was killed within minutes of finding the gold.
This actually explain why I can earn money like water and somehow spend it all because of various reasons, which all probably come down to the subconscious belief that it’s not safe to hold on to it. Granted traveling the world these past 8 months having to pay everything in three because I had my teenage son and mother with me made everything more expensive – but visiting the countries I have has been an important part of the karma clearing and grid activation work I had to do to come to this deeper level of understanding that I can now share with my readers.
Except this past life wasn’t about my relationship with money.
It was about betrayal and my relationship to someone else, who was with me when I found the gold. Even before my attention was called to the person there with me, the word ‘greed’ kept coming up and I was trying my best to translate it into Dutch but it took a couple of almost same meaning words to really get to the Dutch word that literally means greed (hebzucht). Sometimes it is really good during healing sessions to say things in your mother tongue as it activates the subconscious mind even deeper to bring up the repressed memory.
As I zoomed in on the other person I realized he was my business partner, zooming in closer and closer I remembered he was also my brother. We had gone off to make our fortune, by searching for gold. I felt deep betrayal that his greed for gold, had been greater than his love for me as his next of kin. He had killed me, so he did not have to share the gold and could keep it all to himself – when it had been more than enough for the both of us.
The next shocking revelation was that I know this person, in this lifetime – he is my Divine counterpart and although I have seen dozens of our past lives together, I have never seen one in which he has deliberately hurt me. He has hurt me in other ways but never this directly as I was seeing now and I could feel how much unforgiveness I felt towards him as my brother. The past life expression of me really felt, it was unforgiveable that his brother had betrayed him in such away. How could his greed have gotten the better of him? I was his blood.
Which brings us back to the question:
What is the worst way that a brother can betray his brother?
The answer of course is by killing him.
This story is as old as the dawn of time and one of the first most famous stories around this theme is the Biblical story of Cain and Abel.
If it surprises you that these seem to be the exact same stories over and over again, know that this is very common. The subconscious mind will continue to attract similar scenarios and similar people into your life to help you bring up this underlying trauma as you can see in my example.
Except in my current lifetime it seemed to be a man-woman betrayal wound because that is how it manifested as I am a woman in this life and not a man, but the original pain wasn’t from a lifetime that I was betrayed by a man as a woman. It was a wound around being betrayed by a man you love and that’s exactly how it showed up again in my life. These were all three men that I loved and who were or felt as my next of kin to me. I couldn’t have felt any closer and any more deeply connected with them especially with my Divine counterpart. I have never felt deeper connected to anyone in my life and neither has he, he had told me in the past.
When I checked the facts of what I had seen it turns out that big chunks of gold have been found in rivers and creeks before – something I wasn’t sure of. I also found that in 1862 the gold rush hit Montana with a big find in Grasshopper Creek in Southwest Montana. Montana actually has a rich mining history, the state is ranked as the 7th largest producer of gold in the United States by the US Geological Survey.
It also turns out Moose are a common sight in Montana even now two centuries later, something I had not known either as I had only been up to Montana twice as a child for summer camp and that was decades ago.
These were all things I had not known or had even been remotely interested in, prior to seeing this past life. Until we hit the betrayal part of the past life I didn’t even understand why I was being shown all this imagery of something that I had no rapport with. Don’t get me wrong I like intricate gold jewelry like most women and I love the color gold – but I am not a huge gold lover or collector. It doesn’t really have big value to me in that way. The subconscious memories of this past life could have something to do with that though now that I know what happened.
The spiritual significance of all of this
What many people don’t know is that the Biblical parables have metaphysical meanings that go far beyond the literal meaning of the stories being told.
If reading about Christianity or any religion for that matter brings up a lot of resistance, it’s because of current or past live wounding getting triggered. For now allow yourself to move through that resistance because you do not want to miss what is coming next. Trust me, the information that I will share with you now is vital for both your Divine Partnership connection as well as your progression on your Ascension path.
Reading the work of Florence Scovel Shinn the grandmother of metaphysics first taught me that the Bible contains great metaphysical truths that if understood and applied correctly can change someone’s life beyond recognition.
What is interesting about this whole past life recovery is the metaphysical meaning of both the story of Cain and Abel as well as the betrayal of Jesus by Judas, which we will address later.
For those of you who don’t know or remember the story: Cain was the first son of Adam and Eve and Abel their second son. Because Abel’s offering was preferred by God and Cain’s offering was rejected, Cain killed his brother Abel in a fit of rage and jealousy.
In the case of Cain and Abel this story is in fact believe it or not about the EXACT topic of my teachings – the transition from 3D to 5D! Cain and Abel are both states of being inside of us, Cain representing the ego and Abel our soul self.
Abel means “breath, vapor.” He represents the spirit in us, the inspiration and intuitive guidance that come to us when our consciousness is impregnated with spiritual ideas or divine guidance.
The Cain side of our nature is often impatient and jealous. It takes things into its own hands. It tries to force demonstrations. It tries to make things happen even when it knows they are not right. It kills out the spiritual guidance and seeks to force its own personal desires into expression. Instead of being willing to let go and follow the inner spiritual guidance it tries to get the Lord to do its bidding. The Cain in us goes to the Lord with many requests. Instead of doing this we should go to the Lord with an open mind and let the Lord, the divine presence within us, fill us with the ideas that are right for us.
Many of us come to the Divine partnership journey in a Cain state of consciousness and the challenge we face is to shift into the Abel state of being as we progress on our Ascension path and work towards creating harmony between these ‘two brothers’ inside of us. Instead of killing each other, they need to make peace with each other and work together in order to come into a state of union within.
Then there is the story of the Judas kiss that led to the arrest and crucifixion of Jesus Christ. We have been told that Judas betrayed Jesus out of greed. Thirty pieces of silver was the price for which Judas Iscariot betrayed Jesus, according to an account in the Gospel of Matthew 26:15 in the New Testament.
However the Gospel of Judas a Gnostic gospel whose content consists of conversations between Jesus of Nazareth and Judas Iscariot, shows a completely different story. In contrast to the canonical gospels, which paint Judas as a betrayer who delivered Jesus to the authorities for crucifixion in exchange for money, the Gospel of Judas portrays Judas’s actions as done in obedience to instructions given to him by Jesus.
It was Jesus who asked Judas to betray him in order to fulfill his mission. The Gnostic Movement believe that the characters and events in Jesus’s life had a spiritual symbolic meaning, corresponding to events and stages in the path of spiritual transformation. They believe Jesus demonstrated this path through the events in his own life in order to leave a road map for others to follow.
Judas the man was innocent, but played a role in the spiritual drama of the life of Jesus to represent an evil that all spiritual aspirants must face – betrayal.
Whether you believe in Jesus or not, what is true is that his story represents the Ascension process. You can also say that the Christ consciousness is the state of being in which the two brothers within, Cain and Abel have found peace. Jesus showed us what the Abel consciousness in it’s highest expression was capable of when working together with his ‘inner brother’ Cain, instead of trying to kill him or expel him. We do not need to kill the ego.
This story also shows us another spiritual truth and that is that on a spiritual level, everyone in your live is working towards your benefit and not your detriment.
Do not confuse this to mean that what happened on a physical level is okay, because of the spiritual truth on a higher level. There is a reason why we have laws that make acts such as murder, rape, theft, batter, incest, etc. punishable. It also never means that YOU are at fault for experiencing a dramatic or traumatic event.
Yet on the highest level and let me keep to my own example here – the soul’s of my father, my ex-husband and my Divine counterpart have agreed to play the role of betrayer in my life in order to help me remember and release a deeper trauma. Just as Judas had agreed on a soul level to betray Jesus in order to allow for the spiritual drama that was meant to unfold so that Jesus could show us by example – all the stages that lead to spiritual enlightenment.
It is vital in these cases to see the soul’s innocence of the other in order to be able to come to forgiveness, as unforgiveness blocks the fully opening of the heart chakra.
Betrayal concerns the lock between the third chakra and the fourth chakra, between the solar plexus and the heart. This lock is a complex knot right on the diaphragm. As we seek to raise the kundalini energy up into the heart chakra, it cannot pass easily through this knot because the core is very tightly veiled here. The energy dams up, circulating instead in the abdomen, unable to make it into the heart. The vibration of forgiveness actually dissolves the hard knot and releases the contraction, so the energy can get through to your heart. It takes more than a one-time forgiveness and is more like learning to live in a continuous state of forgiveness.
Having an experience of betrayal means that we are identified with the egoic personality programs that are telling us that we are being let down, taking a loss, experiencing a breach of trust or feeling victimized by something. When we feel as though we deserve to have our needs met, and it is not happening, we feel betrayal. Life, from our third-dimensional perspective, has a tendency to dish out both major and minor betrayals.
The diaphragm is one of the main places where we hold our energy in contraction because of childhood wounding—wounding based on betrayal. As you clear and release feelings of betrayal and loss, you may find the diaphragm area softening. It is releasing tension and tightness. The diaphragm is the first muscle that begins contracting in the body of a newborn baby. When babies cry and scream and sob, it is the diaphragm that is working and beginning to tense and contract. So, much of our early childhood losses are stored in the diaphragm area. Tension in the diaphragm area blocks the kundalini energy from flowing freely into the heart chakra, preventing us from accessing the higher emotions such as forgiveness, tolerance, acceptance, and joy.
Thus, as long as the early childhood wounding remains in place, we are unable to love as much as we are capable of—with far-reaching ramifications to our lives. As we begin to work on forgiving betrayals, the diaphragm plays a big part in the releasing associated with this key, indicating that it is the infant particularly that holds on to resentment, grudges, and old wounding. This is mainly because most infant programming has been forgotten.
So our focus for this chapter is moving beyond victim consciousness, which is perhaps the biggest issue facing humanity at this time. Victim consciousness and its opposite, the tyrant, are holding the whole world back from ascending into the new paradigm of heart-centered consciousness. As we unlock the betrayal knot associated with victim consciousness, we take a giant step forward in moving beyond the polarities of victim–tyrant, of power–powerlessness, of win–lose, and into the paradigm of love and of win–win consciousness.
The thick, rubbery muscle of the diaphragm, separating the chest from the abdomen, is the physical representation of the density of the consciousness that keeps the two paradigms separate. It acts as a barrier between the lower three chakras which are associated with worldly consciousness, and the upper four chakras which are associated more with our spiritual nature, with unified awareness, or with higher vibratory consciousness.
The lower three chakras which are associated with worldly consciousness – Cain and the upper four chakras which are associated more with our spiritual nature – Abel. Here we see the necessity again to have these ‘inner brothers’ make peace and work together.
We all know that the fully raising of the kundalini energy is vital for our progression on our Ascension path and reaching spiritual enlightenment. To get the kundalini energy moving past the solar plexus and into the heart chakra we have to release all our wounding around betrayal and unforgiveness, even the wounding we aren’t aware of because it is buried in our subconscious memories.
I remember the night my Divine counterpart got married (he had warned me the same way as with the baby through a dream – I woke up to his wedding pics the next day) it felt as if a sledge hammer had hit me to my solar plexus and for three nights in a row all I could do was breathe through the pain being released in my third chakra as I reread the Alchemist by Paolo Coelho to keep my mind busy in a constructive way because I couldn’t sleep.
Still it took me a little over two years of intense healing and many nights waking up having a panic attack as I got closer and closer to unraveling all these wounds of betrayal from this lifetime as a child and from the past life with my Divine counterpart as my brother that had indeed created a tight knot exactly as described above.
At this time my abdomen is so bloated, I look 6 months pregnant which now makes perfect sense as all the energy has indeed dammed up in the abdomen. In the last month I gained 5 kilo out of nowhere. You can see the bulge in this side shot from my photo shoot in Dubai. I am actually scheduled for an abdomen ultrasound this week to make sure that I am indeed having a metaphysical manifestation in my spiritual process and not ignoring a possible physical cause that needs medical attention. I like woo-woo, but I like my woo-woo grounded – so I went to a doctor and asked for a checkup, just to make sure that everything is okay.
Before my 4th child I was a size 34 and weighed 55kg, my 4th child died 13 days after her birth from a rare birth defect called the malformation of the vein of Galen. One month after her death I found my then husband in the house of his mistress, the same woman he had also had an affair with during the pregnancy of my now teenage son. Since then I have packed on an extra 30kg and have not been able to release this weight, no matter how hard I have tried through many different methods.
I have of course also worked vigorously on forgiving these people in my current life, little did I know I was still carrying in my energy field the energy of betrayal and unforgiveness from an incident that happened two centuries ago!
These betrayals and these men who played the role of betrayer in my life – were my initiation in FORGIVENESS which fully opens the access to the heart chakra.
I pray that what we have shared with you in this article serves you on your Divine Partnership journey and Ascension path.
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Sending you love and light on your Ascension path and Divine partnership journey, you are forever protected and guided. All is well.
Lots of love,