What Is Trauma? And Why You Have It Too, …

What Is Trauma? And Why You Have It Too, …

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Buddha Belly Be-Gone: Effortlessly Shedd …

Buddha Belly Be-Gone: Effortlessly Shedd …

In this soul teaching on effortlessly shedding Ascension weight without exercising more or eating less you will learn: How weight gain is connected to the Ascension process What causes weight to get stuck and why eating less or exercising more often doesn't make a...

Unlocking Your Soul Legacy, by Healing Y …

Unlocking Your Soul Legacy, by Healing Y …

In this soul teaching on unlocking your soul legacy by healing your soul legacy wound you will learn: What a soul legacy and a soul legacy wound is What the difference is between your soul legacy vs. your soul mission What some real-life soul legacies look like How to...

How Everything is Happening for Your Hig …

How Everything is Happening for Your Hig …

In this soul teaching on how everything is happening for your highest good you will learn: How our external experiences offer us an opportunity to heal unresolved pain from the past How this is true in ALL cases even when we think it's someone else's fault What the...

11 ways people unconsciously or ‘s …

11 ways people unconsciously or ‘s …

In this soul teaching on spiritual and unconscious bypassing you will learn: Why we spiritually or unconsciously seek to bypass our wounding What the effects have been of glamourizing healing and spirituality 11 ways we unconsciously or 'spiritually' bypass our...

The Ascended chakras, upgrading the main …

The Ascended chakras, upgrading the main …

In this unique segment on the Ascended chakras you will learn: Why we need to upgrade our main seven chakras as part of the Ascension process What this upgrade looks like for each individual chakra from the root to the crown How the rising of the Kundalini fits into...

Buddha Belly Be-Gone: Effortlessly Shedd …

Buddha Belly Be-Gone: Effortlessly Shedd …

In this soul teaching on effortlessly shedding Ascension weight without exercising more or eating less you will learn: How weight gain is connected to the Ascension process What causes weight to get stuck and why eating less or exercising more often doesn't make a...

Unlocking Your Soul Legacy, by Healing Y …

Unlocking Your Soul Legacy, by Healing Y …

In this soul teaching on unlocking your soul legacy by healing your soul legacy wound you will learn: What a soul legacy and a soul legacy wound is What the difference is between your soul legacy vs. your soul mission What some real-life soul legacies look like How to...

Buddha Belly Be-Gone: Effortlessly Shedd …

Buddha Belly Be-Gone: Effortlessly Shedd …

In this soul teaching on effortlessly shedding Ascension weight without exercising more or eating less you will learn: How weight gain is connected to the Ascension process What causes weight to get stuck and why eating less or exercising more often doesn't make a...

Unlocking Your Soul Legacy, by Healing Y …

Unlocking Your Soul Legacy, by Healing Y …

In this soul teaching on unlocking your soul legacy by healing your soul legacy wound you will learn: What a soul legacy and a soul legacy wound is What the difference is between your soul legacy vs. your soul mission What some real-life soul legacies look like How to...

How Everything is Happening for Your Hig …

How Everything is Happening for Your Hig …

In this soul teaching on how everything is happening for your highest good you will learn: How our external experiences offer us an opportunity to heal unresolved pain from the past How this is true in ALL cases even when we think it's someone else's fault What the...

11 ways people unconsciously or ‘s …

11 ways people unconsciously or ‘s …

In this soul teaching on spiritual and unconscious bypassing you will learn: Why we spiritually or unconsciously seek to bypass our wounding What the effects have been of glamourizing healing and spirituality 11 ways we unconsciously or 'spiritually' bypass our...

How meeting my Twin Flame got me living my DREAM life (Heaven on Earth) and so can you….

by Sabriyé Ayana

Bestselling author, new paradigm business, life & soul mentor, founder of the Akasha Healing™ method and the School of Inner Union

In this soul teaching on how meeting my Twin Flame got me living my dream life (Heaven on Earth) and so can you, you will learn:

  • Why living your dream life is not dependent on being with your Twin Flame in a physical relationship
  • The importance of learning to be happy on your own
  • Why everything in your life is always happening for your highest good
  • How the Twin Flame journey will help you to realize your own soul mission
  • And more…

You must be together with your Twin Flame?!

After meeting our Twin Flame, we tend to think that our Heaven on Earth or living our dream life depends on being together with them. Many if not most, abandoned Divine Feminines are in a constant state of unhappiness and longing, because they are pining to be with their beloved.

They suffer in the now hoping and praying that in a not too distant future, their life will become this magical fairy-tale come true because their twin came back and declared his or her undying love to them.

Does this sound familiar?

It should, because it’s this fairy-tale romance against all odds premise that the whole Twin Flame industry is built upon.

This is what fuels all the tarot and psychic readings about when he/she will be back? Or energetic check-ins to see how he/she feels about you now….. It fuels most healing attempts and the hundreds or even thousands of $$$ spent on Twin Flame coaching, guided meditations, union activations, curse removals and so on.

If you are new to the Twin Flame journey, then you may think that this is WHAT you are supposed to do – simply because everyone else is doing it. But the point of the Twin Flame journey is NOT to overtly or covertly do everything possible to be able to be with this one person, who you believe to be the most special in the world.

There is actually a term for behavior like that and it’s called codependency…..

And it’s codependency that is keeping most Twin Flames, in believing that being together with their special person will be the answer to all their dreams come true and yet it never is. In fact, it’s a recipe for disaster, because nobody can make you happy or fulfilled for you – not even your Twin Flame. Which doesn’t mean that you can’t or won’t be together with your twin, don’t get me wrong. It simply means that as Twin Flames we are meant to transcend outdated old 3D paradigm relationship templates, including codependency. I.e. you have to overcome your codependent tendencies in order to create a Divine partnership based on equality.

But to answer your question about my current relationship status:

No, I am currently not together with my twin – but I am living my dream life anyway!

And so can you, if you are willing to listen to what I have to say.

Things are exactly HOW they are supposed to be

I met my twin online in the beginning of 2014, by the end of 2015 I was sleeping in his arms in India (where he is born and raised). We were both guests at his best friend’s wedding in a rural village in India. While together my twin admitted that if it were up to him alone, we would already be together and have everything we had always talked about – but he had other people (family) to think about and he wasn’t sure that he could trust his own judgment.

In 2016 he slammed the door shut in my face claiming that he didn’t love me the way I thought he did. In 2017 he got married to the girl that his family had picked out for him, being Indian his family had been pressuring him for years to agree to an arranged marriage. By 2019 his wife gave him a son. We’ve talked a handful of times, maybe ten times in total over the past three years since his marriage.

Here’s the funny thing though; at some point at the end of 2016 and the beginning of 2017 when I was still oblivious to my twin’s marriage plans, I was preparing my life to have him join me and it hit me that I had no idea how to be happy on my own.

Here I was hoping my twin would give up live as he knew it, risk losing friends and family over him leaving everything behind to be with his gori (it means both beautiful, light skinned and foreigner – it was his pet name for me). My happiness would rest solely on his shoulders because well to be honest like most people, I still had a lot of dragons and demons that I had not faced, that kept me in a subsequent state of misery that I was oblivious to not being “normal”.

Like everyone in the old 3D reality, I had no idea of all the ghosts of my past that were subconsciously plaguing me. But what I did know, after two marriages that ended up in divorce – is that I was setting my twin up for failure if I did not learn how to be happy from the inside out.

I almost felt a sudden panic when that realization hit me, because what would I do to him if he sacrificed everything to be with me and I would still be unhappy inside?

Especially because the happiness of his woman, means everything to a man – it’s what makes a man feel successful in his life. In a study on married couples, the researchers found that the more satisfied a wife is with a long-term union, the happier a husband is with his life.

But how can you be happy with someone else, if you aren’t even happy with yourself?

I still had so many skeletons in the closet of my past that were weighing me down. I realized, I was nowhere near ready to be with him.

Fast forward one or so week later and he gets married to someone else seemingly out of the blue. The only warning I got, was him showing up in my dreams a couple of nights before the wedding, telling me of his wedding plans and that despite it all – he would love me forever. I woke up that weekend to my phone being blasted by people falling all over themselves to let me know that my twin was getting married. Those who knew beforehand, had kept their mouths shut because they didn’t want to be the one to break my heart.

That event that I, my personality and 3D self would have never chosen consciously (but my soul of course did), changed my life for the better forever. It forced me to live my life for me, instead of waiting for someone else to come save, rescue, choose or complete me. Which are in fact all patterns stemming from unresolved childhood trauma (see The Holistic Psychologist).

You may want to reread that again, because until you address your unresolved childhood and past life trauma you are ALWAYS creating your reality experience through the filters of those (past) traumatic experiences.

Everything is ALWAYS happening for your highest good

I was devastated when my twin married someone else, I will be honest with you – but it wasn’t as bad as I would have imagined it to be. What had really helped was that in the dream, when my twin had told me that he was getting married and to whom I had felt totally at peace with his marriage, so much so that I noticed it in the dream and I was surprised at how peaceful I felt. When it happened in real life, I felt less peaceful but I had understood the message of the dream that my soul was conveying to me – this was how it was supposed to be.

Understanding this message allowed me to go into this experience, not knowing HOW – but trusting that this situation was in fact serving my, his and her highest good. This is also what I texted him and what he read on his wedding night, that even though this was NOT what we had both personally wanted, that we had to trust that something good was going to come of it.

It took me around three months to grieve my loss and part of that grieving process was cutting up my then vision board with all my romantic hopes and dreams for him and me and our baby that I had felt around us since the beginning of 2015. I burned the torn pieces in my terrace stove and asked myself what it was that I wanted to create now, that the dream that I had wanted more than anything in the world, had literally gone up in smoke?

I heard myself saying that I wanted to live by the sea in a place that I had never visited before, one of the Balearic islands in Spain that I had only ever heard of through the stories of others. Now most of you, see Ibiza as a party island full of booze, drugs and the best DJ’s in the world – but that is only one part of the island. The majority of the island is a very peaceful and high vibrational place, with a very strong spiritual community. Many people refer to Ibiza, as Europe’s Sedona and I was strongly feeling the call to go live there. Something that you will hear often when you speak to people living in Ibiza, the island called them to her.

The only problem was, that living in Ibiza is not cheap and I was in the middle of shifting from the company I had in online marketing (which is how I met my twin) to the business I currently own. I was basically starting all over again, letting go of my old clients and attracting new ones.

Following my inner guidance, I had rebranded my website to the tight niche of Twin Flames at the end of 2016. In fact I launched my Twin Flame healing and coaching website in the SAME week my twin got married in January 2017. If I had known that he was getting married I don’t think I would have had the guts back then to move forward in my mission, because I still totally bought into the idea that you had to be ‘in union‘ or close to union in order to be able to be a credible Twin Flame teacher.

Now, I laugh at such silliness because it is just such an old 3D way of looking at this journey. Yet, I know there are so-called Twin Flame teachers who even LIE about their union status in order to appear credible to clients who seek to be in union with their Twin Flame.

Anyway, I was already making money in my business but I needed to triple it, in order to earn what I had earned before in my previous business and to be able to move to Ibiza. I took a business loan with the bank and my very first investment was to fly to London to an Unleash the Power Within event with Tony Robbins.

It was during that weekend that I called my twin on a break and he picked up and we spoke to each other again for the first time in 16 months (this is end of April 2017 just weeks after I had cut up and burned my vision board). He was sick, but after ten minutes on the phone, he was feeling so much better. He exclaimed that just talking to me had healed him.

When I asked him if he was happy, he said that he liked to think that he was but he quickly added that his family was more happy with his marriage than he was. It was their three month wedding anniversary that night. When I prompted him, he promised me that even though he didn’t know if he would ever leave his wife – that he would be on a plane the very next day to come to me – if he would.

I told him about my plans to move to Ibiza and he said that, that is what he loves about me, when I decide I want something that I go out and do it – which in a way basically left me no choice but to prove him right. Although I did make a slight detour.

(Side note here, if it had not felt right I wouldn’t have followed through with this of course no matter what my twin would have thought about it or not.)

Now, it wasn’t like his marriage didn’t have the same issues of codependency that I was overcoming. His wife, who worships the ground he walks on started their marriage off with hashtags like #togetherforever and called him her #lifeline. It probably doesn’t get any more codependent than that, but that was his recipe for disaster not mine.

His marriage gave him the ideal simulated reality experience to work on his own patterns of perhaps enabling codependency and funny enough around October 2017 my twin told me in a dream that he was in a proxy marriage and that his current wife was only a stand-in, for the woman he had really married.

At that time, I didn’t really understand that dream so much – but in hindsight I understand it much better whether he physically leaves that marriage or not.

You can’t just wait for it

And that is the thing, I categorically refused to be that woman who was waiting for a man to leave his wife. I’m a rules kind of girl, and one of my rules has always been ‘no married men’ precisely because I didn’t want to put myself in the position of pining for someone who is already taken. I had seen other women in my life do this before and what I saw wasn’t pretty.

I was not going to be someone who would put her life on hold, waiting for a guy to see my worth and choose me.

That’s just not how I roll…

So, instead I focused on my own healing and working towards my own goals and dreams.

I booked a flight to Ibiza and went for a weekend to check it out. Of course as soon as I got on the plane which was early June 2017 my twin went all silent on me. Once in Ibiza, I felt horrible. I was vomiting everywhere and we had booked accommodations in what I now know, is the absolute worst part of the island San Antonio which is pretty much like Jersey Shore. I had my then 13 year old son and my mother with me, while a pack of English birds were having a pool side hen party, shlushing on gin and tonics while throwing hoops on the bride-to-be’s strapped on dildo on her forehead.

So, not my kind of scene.

I rented a car the next day and we fell in love with the island and found our own kind of people that we much more resonated with.

By August 2017 (only 5 months later) I had hit the five figures a month in my new business – a turnover, that I had also had in my online marketing company and which would make moving to Ibiza possible. By February 2018 I was back in Ibiza, hosting my very first Twin Flame retreat with people flying in from all over the world to work with me and the other healers that I had contracted to work at the retreat.

When I came home from this retreat, I got a clear hit that instead of moving to Ibiza I needed to travel around the world first.

By JULY 2018 which was again only a couple of months later, I had packed up my personal belongings and stored them at my mom’s house. I gave my house in Amsterdam to my oldest son and I enrolled my youngest son in an online high school so he would not get behind in school.

On my twin’s birthday we left for Glastonbury, England – the first stop on what was meant to be a two year trip.

While in England, my twin breaks into my dreams once again and this time to tell me that he is going to be a father, in my dream he is really excited. In real life, when I get a hold of him the next day he is less psyched. In fact he tells me he feels really detached from everyone and everything. He also has a burning question that he has been dying to ask me, yet he never actually reached out of course to ask me it. Instead he waited for me, to reach out which seems to be his way of not feeling like he is cheating and God knows we are not getting it on with each other behind his wife’s back.

Like I said, that isn’t my style.

Nope, his question was a very spiritual one. He asked me how was it possible that his third eye was opening, when he neither prayed or meditated. When he refused my initial polite answer, I took a deep breath and told him the truth. You are energetically connected to me, I have done massive inner work since we last saw each other and that is having an effect on you.

He didn’t say ‘yo girl, you’re tripping’, but instead he immediately said ‘I knew it had something to do with you!’ When I later asked him how he knew, he said ‘I could feel it’.

He also confirmed that the baby was due at roughly the same time that I was going to be back in India after 3 years. I was there to host another retreat at the request of Indian clients. At the Ibiza retreat there had been three Indian clients, who had begged me to host a retreat in India and then actually none of them came because it was too expensive they felt. But that’s the thing, hosting a retreat in a far away place is always expensive because you can’t cut good price deals.

Plus you are charged touristic prices, with a gori tax on top just because you are white. This was even true in accessing public places, the entrance fees for Indians is much lower than what they charge foreigners.

But I was also such a generous retreat host that I paid for my team’s stay and their food – while many of them charged me extra because they would earn more money when they stayed home. Organizing the India retreat was such a frustrating experience, that I actually didn’t want to host any retreats anymore. In any case not in this way, where I would bear all the risks, do the majority of the work and then almost have to put money on top to cover all the costs and then still have people demanding I would pay them more or cover their flight expenses!

Fully stepping into my mission was non-negotiable

But it was also again a life-changing experience which was so transforming that afterwards I no longer resonated with many of the team-members that had been involved. I cut a lot of people out of my life after that and I finally understood, the Twin Flame journey in a way that I had never understood it before nor saw other service providers in the industry understand it.

My eyes were opened to all the union peddling (selling Twin Flame union as the ultimate goal of the Twin Flame journey) going on and how energy manipulation, something that I had also engaged in for my own personal journey was in fact violating spiritual law. Because many of the products and services being sold within the Twin Flame industry are just woo-woo ways of trying to force the so intensely desired union. People offering such service, say they only work in accordance with free will, but when someone is deliberately overlaying energy bodies, or connecting chakras with the twin – you are simply overstepping boundaries.

I realized although nobody likes that word, that trying to force union on someone energetically is like spiritual rape. You are acting without consent, which is the definition of rape.

All these insights and understanding radically changed how I wanted to show up for the Twin Flame collective. I refused to perpetuate this lie, that this journey is just an elaborate way to get  together romantically with who you believe to be your Twin Flame – especially because I polled that a whopping close to one third of the people identifying themselves as Twin Flames had been wrong about a so-called twin connection at least once.

Just imagine how many people, are energetically trying to force a romantic outcome with someone that isn’t their Twin Flame to begin with….. If you aren’t quite sure about your Twin Flame connection – try my fool proof method here to get confirmation from the Universe.

What also really changed my perception is that a client who I had met at the Ibiza retreat and who joined us again on the India retreat, came home only to have her twin die out of the blue within days of her return. They had been a couple, since shortly after the Ibiza retreat and my client was left devastated by his death. Recently another Divine Feminine reached out to me, because her twin suddenly died after four years of marriage. They had reunited after decades of separation, only to have four short years together….

It made me realize that all those teachers preaching that union is a given, were doing so from their own immense desire to be together with their twin in this lifetime. The hard truth is that a physical union with the Twin Flame is not guaranteed, but that doesn’t have to be the end of the world – something that you learn to appreciate when you understand the true meaning of union.

After India I went to Dubai, but between England and India we had actually driven from Pisa to Rome – hopped on an airplane to Cairo to see the pyramids at Ghiza and then we flew to Luxor to visit the temples and clear massive past life karma related to my twin’s to be born son (which had been our child in ancient Egypt in a previous lifetime) After Egypt we flew back to spend the winter in Ibiza. From Ibiza, we went to Delhi and later Rajasthan and from Rajasthan to Dubai to visit friends.

In India shortly after my arrival everything went pear shaped between my twin and I. While boarding my plane, I saw that his son had been born a few days earlier. Something that I had intuitively felt to coincide with my soul entering my body, which turned out to be true when I saw his birth date. I congratulated my twin, he was ecstatic and I was happy he did not feel this detachment that he had described before. He also sent me a pic of the baby after teasing me, if he had promised to do so? Something I had asked him the last time we spoke, which had been when I was in England after the dream.

I got on the 8 hour flight feeling excited and happy for him and that feeling stayed. I did not shed a single tear or feel any devastation around his son being born, I felt like he was my child as well which is something that is not common for me. But when his son was born it felt complete and I was in full acceptance. I was at peace.

That all changed a few days later when I woke up to two missed calls from my twin’s phone at 5:45 am and an incredibly raunchy text about his sexual needs. Hours later he did come online to let me know, that the text wasn’t sent by him but by his incessantly juvenile friends. It didn’t matter to me, I was so put off by a) the timing – as his wife was still bleeding from having his son five days before and b) him or whomever thinking that this was all what this is, between him and I and that it was somehow about him being able to get his dick wet.

I was infuriated, and him blaming the text on his friends made it even worse – why did he allow his friends to defile me and our relationship in such a way? Not to mention, what would have happened (and it may have happened then) if his wife read the text and believed that he was cheating on her? He and I haven’t shared any sexual intimacy since before he got married.

When I reached Dubai I heard through mutual friends that he and his wife had, had a big fight about me, but that could have been from an earlier time. I also heard that he had gotten into a fight with two of his best friends over me, after I had demanded him to stand up for me towards these idiots. There was no reason for him to allow them to disrespect me this way and this wasn’t the first time that they pulled a stunt like this.

I had been nothing but a good friend to him, who had respected his choice and supported him. I reminded him that if I was the kind of person, that they had made me out to be that I could have hit him hard both through his family and his wife. I never lashed out, I never took revenge, I never hurt him – so why was he allowing his friends to treat me like sh*t?!

I am sharing this with you so that you understand, that I didn’t just get lucky or had it much easier than you which would explain why I was able to move on but you cannot. In many ways my journey with my twin has been 10x as challenging as most of my clients, simply because I needed to be able to help Twin Flames in ALL situations. This would have never been possible, without living through these experiences myself, so that I could learn to understand their purpose from a higher perspective. You can’t teach, what you haven’t mastered.

Having no option but to move on…

My twin’s child but also how everything went down in India, really tore out any lurking residual desires to be with this person at this time. Which again was exactly how it was meant to be, as it helped me work through a lot of anger towards my father for sexual abusing me as a toddler and this was all happening in 2019 (my father had died ten years earlier in the spring of 2009).

I had honestly never been so infuriated with my twin, which helped me access my indignation also towards my father for violating me at such a young and tender age.

But not only that, one of the friends that I was visiting in Dubai I had known for even longer than my twin. We had met when he was as they call it still ‘jail bait’ more or less and he had always had a crush on me. Even as he got older asking me to give him a chance instead of wasting my energy on someone such as my twin. I had never taken him seriously, but the attraction had been mutual over the years and by the time we met up in Dubai, he was already past his late twenties.

We ended up making out the very first night and had to stop because we didn’t have condoms. I was scheduled to leave in two weeks, but then the Universe threw in a monkey wrench and I was detained another four weeks in the UAE due to an excruciating earache the night before we were supposed to fly to Bali.

We spent those four extra weeks holding hands and secretly smooching when we had the chance, but both not sure if we should sleep with each other or not. My mother who of course ain’t no fool, saw what was happening and thoroughly disapproved of our physical intimacy.

Although my mother has never met my twin, she has energetically connected strongly to him over the years and has become one of his biggest fans.

The night before I left Dubai, we did finally make love and it was so gentle and sweet after being celibate for 4,5 years that I cried. My friend wanted to see if we could make things more permanent between us, but although I love him a lot I realized that he was not strong enough to be my partner and that I would constantly have to take care to not walk all over him with my strong will and inner power. My twin is the only man that I have met, that matches my strength without it turning into a power struggle or him trying to control or overpower me.

Sleeping with my friend allowed me to address a deeply traumatic past life experience in Ancient Egypt, that was blocking my access to my own multi-dimensionality. So, it was good that I followed my inner knowing and didn’t allow my mother’s disapproval to stand in the way. Things falling apart with my twin in the way they had, actually allowed me to be open to someone else. Because like many of you, I simply wasn’t interested or felt attracted to other people anymore after I met my twin.

After Dubai, I went back to Amsterdam and later Ibiza with the plan to find a house and settle down. Although I loved travelling, life got in the way. My mother had developed some more serious health issues and my son was NOT a candidate for homeschooling, that kid needed to be put back in school – because distant learning was not his thing at all.

It was time to plant and grow roots again after drifting around for one and a half year.

My twin and I were back into contact that is to say that I had unblocked him after a couple of months and he listened to me when I had something to say, but didn’t say anything back. Before he had gotten married he had sworn to me that even if he did marry someone else, he wanted me in his life forever and this was the ONLY way he could allow himself to do so. A compromise that allowed him to have me as close as possible, while continuing the facade he was putting up in his day to day life.

That bubble burst in the beginning of 2020, when again through a mutual friend I found out that my twin had lied about changing his phone number. He still had the same number and he had pretended at least twice that it was changed. That was such an unnecessary lie, because we had kept talking anyway during that period over messenger and he has not blocked me once there. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to talk to me, it was that he didn’t want to be found out talking to me (when just to reiterate there is no hanky-panky going on between us).

Yet, instead of simply communicating this – he starts this elaborate lie when he knows we have mutual friends. One of his college mates is a business partner of mine. This was not something, that would not be found out at some point, which is almost always the case with lies. That was it for me, I cut off all contact at that point and have not reached out for over six months because there isn’t really anything to say. It’s not something I am angry about, but rather a pragmatic choice, because as long as he is saying one thing and doing the opposite there really isn’t much of a relationship (of any kind) possible between us.

The most interesting thing has been that the further we have drifted apart in 3D, the closer we have come in the energetical realm. This was extremely confusing at first, until I simply let go of that as well and any expectations around what that would mean in the physical.

As I have come into full inner union with my higher self and soul, so has the union energy between my twin and I deepened despite the lack of evidence in 3D that this will manifest itself as a physical union which has simply required me to let go of the romantic outcome even deeper from places I wan’t even aware of still holding onto it. Letting go, is something that happens layer by layer, as we heal those layers of wounding that have kept us secretly holding on to this idea that what we seek, can be found outside of us – instead of within ourselves.

Really pursuing my dreams

Shortly after I cut off all contact – the world goes into lockdown. Due to Covid-19, we find ourselves locked out of Spain as we had to go back to Amsterdam for a medical check up for my mother and having to cancel our flights as another health issue suddenly pops up. By the time we are ready to leave Amsterdam, we can’t because there aren’t any flights going to Ibiza that we are allowed on because we are not residents yet.

Finding a house in Ibiza had proven to not be as easy as I had hoped it would be. I had the money now for the high real estate prices on the island, but every house we looked at had some issue either with the house itself or in another way. Finally in March 2020 I find something we all really like and because I am not on the island I ask a friend to check if the house looks as good as the pictures, something that is rarely true in Ibiza. My friend reports back that it does and I sign the deal, despite Mercury retrograde and the fact that I haven’t seen the house myself.

Even this house when I first saw it was pulled off the market which meant it was gone and then put back on after a couple of days, because the deal with the other party fell through. I quickly sealed the deal, paying thousands of euros up front trusting that this was the place that my spirit team had prepared for us. But then of course we weren’t able to move in, until travel restriction were lifted and tourists were allowed back on the island. Because despite the fact that we had an active rental contract, only residents were allowed back in until the State of Alarm had been revoked. But, I still needed to apply for residency at that time.

This was a huge time of being in the waiting room (liminal space) where we were kind of stuck in the old reality and not being able to enter the new reality, due to current world events. Yet, another experience of things being ‘done’ in energy but not yet manifested in the physical – which was tough at times because it asks you to have faith without being able to see evidence of it being ‘real’.

I had gotten the house with a multiple year contract, it had been paid for and all our stuff was packed and ready to be driven to Ibiza by land and ferry – but we ourselves couldn’t get in. Even when I had booked a flight before the State of Alarm would officially end, it got cancelled even though the State of Alarm eventually ended nine days before that cancelled flight and we would have been allowed back into the country.

In other words there was a lot of obstruction, which made so much sense in hindsight…

By the time that flights did open up, the prices skyrocketed and the flights were at obscene early hours in the morning which would mean that my mother would have to wake up at 3 am in order to catch the flight and that is just too stressful at her age. So, we had to wait another week to catch a flight that was still twice the normal price, but at a reasonable hour (we arrived at 10 pm).

Entering Paradise and living Heaven on Earth

But as with anything worth having, it was worth the wait.

Despite the fact that I sealed the deal on this house unseen, it is exactly what I have always dreamed of. The house is spacious and light with an amazing view, and the Universe threw in some extra bonuses. We live in a gated community, with beautiful gardens and an infinity pool. There is a private entrance to the beach that is a 500 meter walk away from our house, there are ample opportunities to walk which is unique in Ibiza because there aren’t that many sidewalks out in the Ibizencan campo (countryside). We had been lucky to find a place in the area that we wanted, which also has a plethora of shops with organic produce. We are absolute health nuts and eat as clean as possible.

So, literally everything that we would want and need is at our finger tips. In fact, if Heaven would have been a place on Earth, this would definitely be it!

But that’s the thing though, Heaven on Earth is a state of consciousness and a state of being that can’t be bought (no matter how much money you throw at it) or something that could even be found outside ourselves.

Which was exactly my experience; after all the Mercury retrograde and seemingly Covid related delays we were finally in our new home only to find out that despite it being empty for the past 6 months there was a LONG list of deferred maintenance that still needed to be done. We signed a contract in March and in July, these things had not even been taken stock of – let alone fixed.

I was given a house with a half detached oven grill, windows and doors that didn’t lock and a hot tub that failed to become hot unless it was heated by the sun…. The owner did fix things at a snail’s pace and at least by the end of the first month the majority of the issues were solved.

Of course moving always brings extra unexpected costs and this move was no different, but something else happened which only ever happens when I am making BIG inner shifts myself – also the money coming in STOPPED out of nowhere. When there was no reason at all for this to happen. Even though I have of course some savings, those were not going to last me long – plus in order to apply for residency I needed a size-able amount of money in the bank as part of the application process.

Here I was, with one foot in an earthly ‘paradise’ but if things didn’t change soon, not able to hold onto it because I couldn’t ‘afford’ it without my streams of income being restored.

But this wasn’t about money because the night before I had a breakthrough healing session with one of my healers, we suddenly received a large booking in the middle of the night which replenished our bank account. This meant that all the team salaries could be paid, other operational costs and so on. It was also a clear message to me, that the solution to the issues that I was facing wasn’t about money, business or mindset in the traditional sense.

It was about something way deeper…..

In the session that started out in my childhood and revolved around this deep sense of loyalty towards my mom, I suddenly started seeing a past life in a different timeline. In that lifetime, my mother had been a brother ‘monk’ and we were part of a very spartan religious group that later when I researched it was influenced by Calvin (or in Dutch Calvijn). Basically we had denounced all worldly pleasure and goods, with some heavy oaths and vows of loyalty, poverty, celibacy, purity and so on.

This is so important for people to realize, that the BIGGEST reasons why we don’t have what we want in life is because we have a contradictory subconscious belief that is cancelling it out.

Please reread that last sentence, so that it really sinks in.

In my case in order to really enter the Heaven on Earth state of consciousness and state of being I first had to let go of some deeply (fanatic) past life religious programming, that believed that Paradise could only be found in the afterlife and only for the pre-chosen by God. That is often the most paradoxical thing about releasing past life beliefs, is that they contradict everything that you CONSCIOUSLY hold to be true in this lifetime. Yet, subconsciously those old contradicting beliefs are still running in the background.

As soon as this past life was seen and released, the floodgates of Heaven opened again and money started pouring back in. It’s always amazing to see how clients literally come out of the woodwork as soon as the inner shift is made.

It was THAT simple, in order to allow myself to enter Paradise, I first had to release my inner subconscious past life believes that ‘Heaven on Earth’ was ungodly or unpure – or something that you aren’t allowed to pursue based on my own subconscious outdated religious beliefs.

My healer and I also had a good laugh, never in a million years would I have thought that I had extreme feelings of loyalty towards my mother. Sure, I took good care of my mother but not out of feelings of loyalty or duty at least not consciously. My twin, had HUGE loyalty issues towards his mother that was crystal clear, but I had simply failed to see that he was merely mirroring my own dynamic.

In our most recent past lifetime, my twin had been married to the woman who in this life is his mother. They were an older couple, I was half his age and intruded on their marriage. Doing so got me killed, which is maybe why I have the ‘no married men rule‘ come to think of it. In this lifetime, the ONLY reason my twin did not run away with me and agreed to marry someone else was because of his mother who is widowed and he is her only son, who she treats like a surrogate husband. I even accused him once of not being married to his wife, but to his mother. Not even saying that got me blocked, which shows his own desire to keep me in his life no matter what.

I would dare to say that his loyalty towards his mother is the BIGGEST block to a physical union (3D) or better yet to Twin Flame union (5D) manifesting in the physical, which are not exactly the same thing as they highly differ in vibrational frequency. It will be interesting to see what happens on his end, now that I am working on releasing this dynamic in my own relationship with my mother.

Which just goes to show you how deceiving outer appearances can be, because even though we are not in contact with each other in the 3D world, my Twin Flame is still assisting me in my Ascension process. The same will likely be true for him, even if I can’t verify it at the moment, because throughout the years my twin and I have always had similar to the same timelines and experiences, something he calls uncanny.

My message to you is, it really doesn’t matter how BAD things look. If you focus on yourself (instead of forcing romance) this journey will take you places you have never been or ever imagined possible. One of my Tribe students reached out to me this week in complete awe of the life she was able to create despite her twin being with someone else. She wrote me ‘….I do feel I live in a land of milk and honey.’

I know, especially if you are just starting out on the Twin Flame journey that it is incredibly hard to believe that there could be ANYTHING worth having beside the romantic outcome that you so deeply desire with your Twin Flame, but there is an inner paradise waiting for you that you cannot go out and buy or try to enter riding on someone else’s back. It’s a place that you can only attain, through clearing out everything that subconsciously cancels out this inner state of being. I pray that sharing my own examples, from my journey inspires you to find this place inside yourself, to reclaim it as your own.

Learn to unlock Heaven on Earth

Book an Akasha Healing™ Journey with me to release the unresolved pain and wounding that is keeping you stuck in reliving your unhealed past whether that stems from your childhood, ancestry, or previous lifetimes.

It’s through healing the wounded ego, that we not only come into union with our soul – but unlock our soul’s superpower to create the reality we dream of.

Have you tried everything else to manifest the life of your dreams, but failed?

This is because your ego and your soul were not on the same page. The key to unlocking your private version of Paradise is healing the separation between the ego and your soul.

Love, love, love my work?

Get your friends. colleagues and family to join the Inner Learning Circle. Let’s create a ripple effect of healing in the world! Imagine how the world we live in would transform if we all healed our unresolved pain. We would individually and collectively create Heaven on Earth.

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With my deepest love,


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