The more you try to force romance in 3D, the more your twin will pull away
I was the queen of trying to force romance in 3D. My twin and I seemed to be on a race against the clock. On his side his family was putting immense pressure on him to say yes to an arranged marriage he did not want and on my side my age was rapidly closing the window to still have children together, something we both really wanted with each other. I had even felt a soul close to me, that wanted to be born as our child. The more I told my twin about the baby I felt between us, the closer he was coming to me and he was only 25 at that time. By the time I was in his arms, he was 26 and instead of taking his chance to score we only cuddled and fooled around a little – because until he was sure that he could stay with me, he didn’t want to risk making me pregnant – he kept telling me. I am the kind of woman that a guy only needs to look deep in the eyes and I’m already knocked up, I get pregnant that easily. So, instead we just lied naked in each others arms and talked for hours while caressing each others body.
It was on one of those nights that my twin also confessed to me that if it was only up to him, we would already be together and have everything we always talked about – but that he had other people he needed to think of. He said ‘I don’t even allow myself to love you, like I really want to love you because I am afraid that if I do – I will do something that hurts my family.’ I urged him to just force his family to accept me. I told him that we most likely weren’t going to get their blessings, when he told me he had tried to talk to his mother about me without success – but that once they would get to know me and with the baby soon in their arms – they would have no choice but to accept me.
When I came home from India my twin slammed the door shut in my face. Claiming that he did not love me the way I thought he loved me and when I reminded him he had tried to talk to his mom about us being together, he said he couldn’t remember having that conversation with her or telling me that he had talked to her about us. What it basically came down to was, that if I would have paid attention it would have been ultra clear to me that he did not love me. He had communicated it to me over and over again he said while we were together, I had just refused to listen. I of course struck back with every contradicting evidence of this that I remembered from our conversations in India and after fleeing in vagueness and some lies here and there. He realized he was not going to get me to believe the BS he was shoveling out so he ended with – ‘You know what? Blame me I have changed.’ and that was all the explanation he was willingly to give on his 180 degree turnaround in regards to wanting to be together.
The interesting thing was that in hindsight he had tried to warn me in India, that this was coming. He looked at me and said ‘I don’t ever want things to become ugly between you and me.’ I said it won’t. He said ‘You don’t know that, I won’t always be able to give you what you want and what you need. Love can turn into hate and I don’t want that between us.’ I promised him I would never hate him and that it would never become ugly between him and me. He kept his promise as well, even when he was lying through his teeth that he didn’t love me or want to be with me. When I gave him a chance to go in for the kill, he didn’t. He said ‘I don’t want a relationship like we have.’ I said ‘What is that supposed to mean?’ and he could have thrown the fact in my face, that his mother and I have less of an age gap between us than he and I or any other thing that he knew would really hit deep. Instead he said ‘Nothing, it’s just a matter of preference.’
I was wise enough to just let him be. In that one Whatsapp conversation begin March 2016, I did beg him not to do this. I told him, you have tried this before. You have said before that you didn’t love me only to have to take it back again. You know it doesn’t work, you won’t be able to forget about me either – that was around the time he gave up trying to explain the unexplainable. I left him alone as well, because I knew the more I would pull on him now – the more I would push him away from me.
A couple of weeks later his business partners Facebook was hacked and was showing a animal porn clip on his timeline. If I had learned anything from being in India, I knew that guy was in deep sh*t. I also knew that he had recently gotten engaged and that things like this could unhinge everything. So I tried reaching the business partner, he didn’t respond. I tried a mutual friend who also didn’t respond and that thing had been showing for thirty minutes by now – so I sent a Viber to my twin to warn his partner and because it could take hours for him to see it. I called a couple of times to make sure he would look directly. Immediately all three came online and the situation was taken care of immediately.
But alas I had reached my spill point so I gave my twin the full load by writing him that he was full of sh*t and that he is always so hell bent on keeping his word to everyone, except me and immediately he blocked me on Viber so I moved to Whatsapp to continue and he blocked me there as well. I was so frustrated with him and the situation, that I didn’t even get emotional about being blocked. I had pushed him so hard before, which he had always allowed me to do – blocking me now almost seemed ridiculous to me. It was like being blocked over nothing, compared to how much I had pushed him in the past to open up again. That was April 2016.
A couple of months later his birthday came and I was still feeling a lot of resentment, but I also missed him. I ignored his birthday on the day itself, but then decided the next day I didn’t want to be like him (he always ignores my birthday) so I called him the next day and he picked up immediately after refusing to pick up any of my calls the previous 8 months. He asked me about myself, my family, my team, my work but I was calling mobile to mobile and knew that that was not going to be cheap, so I asked if I could call through Voip and he said sure. I said you need to unblock me though and he said ‘Right, sorry about that. I will. Give me 10 minutes to get to a wifi area and then we will continue our call.’ He did unblock me immediately on Viber, which he asked if I had had it installed on my phone as he knew I only used it to talk to him. Nonetheless he refused to pick up my call and we didn’t speak again.
He did read everything I wrote on Viber and the more he read it and didn’t respond the more I went off the deep end. It went on for something like six weeks, that I slowly put more and more pressure on him to admit that he also still loved me – why on earth read all this emotional stuff if he didn’t feel that way about me. I became bolder and bolder to have him admit that it had not changed for him either and he read everything and said nothing. At some point I just got sick of myself because I had repeated the same thing over and over again, I even sounded like a broken record to myself and he still read what I had to say. And I would ask him why? I said I know why I am still here, but why are you still here reading this? And he would not respond.
Then finally one night I decided to give up, he had allowed me to push and push him further and further against the wall and I realized that if he could have answered me – he would have by now because there was no reason for him to put up with the immense pressure I was putting on him. So the next morning I wrote to him that it was fine, that I realized that if after the extreme pressure I had put on him for weeks to either tell me to f*ck off or to make me his – that I knew if he could have answered me he would have and I said I would just wait then. That was his cue to block me again. He couldn’t admit that he also still loved me, he apparently did not want to tell me to f*ck off but above all he didn’t want me to wait, because at that point he thought he would never be able to give me what I wanted so badly from him – a life together.
This was September 2016 it took me another six weeks of resisting the hell out of it and letting him know on FB messenger that I would finally do as he asked me and move on by saying yes to dates. He would read what I had to say, but never block me on FB – I guess he just didn’t want to close that last door. Lucky me, the two men that then did ask me out, were both Twin Flames who had already met their twin and I was like ‘Really?! Universe, are you kidding me?’ So of course I decided if I had to pick between being with someone else’s twin or my own – I would choose my own Twin Flame and I stopped resisting and dove into healing my own blocks even deeper. I had always been extremely serious about doing the work, but now I became hardcore and one week later I cleared the runner life between me and my twin with a healer who I had helped clear her money blocks.
7 ways to get your twin to talk to you again, the 5D way
I realized after almost a year of trying everything I could think of, that there was no way to make this relationship happen in 3D. There wasn’t anything I could say or do, to have him follow through on the dreams we both cherished. I had said everything, that there was to say. I had done, everything that I could have done – including sending his mother a message to ask for her blessing if he still wanted me as his wife… his mom’s Facebook account blocked me immediately – when the message was finally read one month after I sent it. His business partner blocked me immediately, but my twin didn’t. This was back in the beginning of the year before the Whatsapp conversation in which he was clear he didn’t want to be with me anymore, because otherwise I would have never bothered to message his mother. I had so much dirt on him, I could have fried him with his family and he knew it but he also knew I would never force him – because you can force marriage but you can’t force love.
That was also my answer to a mutual friend who said to me later, you should have made sure you got pregnant when you had your chance and I said ‘I want him because he loves me and wants to be with me, not because I left him no choice.’ Love is something, someone can only give out of free will.
So totally exasperated with the situation by now, I decided to embrace my own fear of loss and to stop messaging him because basically the only thing I was trying to verify was if he still cared which was not the right energy to align me to what I wanted to manifest with him. I decided right then and there that I was going to stop tugging on this in 3D and only work on aligning in 5D to the outcome I wanted experience in my physical reality. In the end I even had to let go of my attachment to the outcome, but at that moment it was the best way for me to start.
This is what I did….
Stop texting unless you WANT to get blocked
This is a bit of a tricky one as you can read in my example, but I have seen it with clients as well you actually get blocked when you are ready to surrender. It’s like the Universe gives you that extra helping hand, that will help you to stop reaching out to your twin and to start reaching inside to heal what has been triggered. So basically what happens is that when you are ready to face your own inner wounds, separation really kicks in. Anything before that is a milder or wilder version of chasing and running, with smaller interludes of temporary separation.
You may also find that when you get blocked, it’s over nothing and that your twin let you pass many many boundaries before they shut down. But often it’s also Divine intervention, to keep things from escalating when your twin has asked you to back off and you just can’t get yourself to stop – the shutdown comes to help you reach that point of surrender to help you to stop trying to fix outer circumstances and go inside to fix the inner circumstances.
But we never get more then we can handle, so when you do find yourself being blocked it means your higher self thinks you two are ready to come through this with flying colors.
This is a crucial point because basically you only have two choices here, you can either surrender and go through the fire or you give up, walk away and try to medicate the pain any way you can (which is running). This is when people grab their favorite addiction or go on a fucking spree in order to feel desirable again. The ONLY way through this, is by going inside – it is the only way to stop the pain for good. Everything else will only prove to be a temporary fix.
Do the healing
What you need to remember at all times, it is not your Twin Flame that is hurting you. They are not the one causing or in any way responsible for the pain you feel, they are merely mirroring back to you everywhere, where you still need to love yourself more.
Now let me be honest, this healing work is not a question of doing a couple of meditations and getting a couple of readings. You have to go deep and embrace every shadow part. In the Align to your Divine Plan – Twin Flame Mastery Program that only my Twin Flame Tribe members have access to, I give a full overview of every type of wound that can be triggered on the Twin Flame journey and teach you what you can do to heal these wounds.
This inner wounding is the number ONE cause of distance between twins, healing these inner wounds is what creates closeness again – although your results may take a bit of time to manifest in 3D. From October till now I have had healing sessions every two weeks with one healer and then on top of that I have done multiple single sessions with other healers. I have worked my ass off to get where I am now and yes it has cost me a small fortune, but it’s worth every penny I spent.
Get obsessed about your mission
Instead of being obsessed with your twin and what he or she is or isn’t doing, focus all that energy inside and get serious about what you want to create in this world. How can you serve humanity? How can you give back?
When I came back from India, I started Gangsta Goddesses not as a Twin Flame site but to clear your sabotaging blocks in life and business. It wasn’t until October 2016 that I was being prompted by Spirit and my higher self to become a Twin Flame healer and teacher, which I had never even contemplated. I had even said to other Twin Flame teachers, that even though I was part of a twin couple that I didn’t feel called to work in that field.
Looking back it makes perfect sense that even my psychic gift that I received after I came back from India, seems custom made for Twin Flames to help them clear subconscious and past life blocks to their own unions. But it took me from April 2016 till August 2016 to figure that out. My mission was shown to me step by step as I was every time moved closer and closer, into what I was supposed to do in this lifetime. When I stepped into my Twin Flame leadership, my website traffic started exploding and from October 2016 till now web traffic has increased 400%. I now have 20.000 visitors a month.
I was scared sh*tless about stepping into my role as Twin Flame teacher, while my own twin seemed to want nothing to do with me. But even though it was WAY out of my comfort zone, I showed up and did it anyway. I am completely transparent here, so that you can model this when it comes to stepping into your own mission.
Follow your own bliss
Chances are you are at this moment completely focused on creating union, as was I and many of my clients. You think that union, will magically solve everything and bring you the utter happiness you seek but it doesn’t work like that.
What happened for me in January just before the time period that four psychics had predicted me that my twin would return to me, I started panicking because as I realized I was placing all my happiness only on him and how unrealistic such an expectation was. From my previous work way back in 2005 in which I was already doing relationship coaching, I knew that for a man nothing matters more than the happiness of his woman.
Deep inside, I was not happy at all no matter how much I tried to compensate that with all kind of vibrational hacks and positive thinking. I panicked because I thought to myself, what will I do to my twin when he gives up everything to be with me, his life, his family, his friends and I am still not happy. It made me realize that I had to take responsibility for my own happiness and not wait for any outside circumstance to do this for me. I had to fill the void, because I would be setting my twin and our union up for failure if I didn’t address this in myself.
Let go of the desired outcome
Well the psychics were right in a way, my twin did come back to me – in a dream that is. It was the end of January 2017 to tell me that he would love me forever, but first needed to go his own way. Three days later that dream was confirmed in 3D.
Again it shows that you never get tested until you are ready to pass the test.
I had just before committed to following my own bliss and had put this Florence Scovel Shinn quote as my desktop screen ‘When you can be happy with or without your heart’s desire, it will suddenly appear, for your ship will come in over a “don’t care” sea.‘ And what do you think happens? It looks like all was lost between us in one blow, only one week after I had stepped into my Twin Flame leadership.
In total disbelief of what just happened, there was nothing left to do except to let go and I was still being bombarded with signs to keep faith. So I chose to become happy without my heart’s desire, because the door to my heart’s desire seemed to be bolted shut anyway. I didn’t really have much choice, I could either choose to be devastated or continue on the road I was on.
Forgiveness, let go of that resentment
Which meant that I doubled my efforts to become happy and to continue this journey for me, because to me it looked like my twin had definitely just jumped ship. He had said to me in the very beginning before I really dared give my heart to him, we are in this together you and I and I had felt alone for months while he was running and I was chasing and now I just felt abandoned by him. He had promised me that no matter what would happen, now that he had me in his life – he never wanted to let me go (nope, that was not during an euphoric sex moment. It was almost the first thing he blurted out when he picked up the phone after weeks of running back in 2015.)
And what had he done? He had freaking exiled me instead.
The Universe has such sense of humor, so one evening I am out for diner celebrating my youngest son’s birthday with my family. The waiter of the restaurant a very attractive young hot guy is into me, from the moment our eyes cross and I cannot look up or he is looking at me. Long story short after we leave the place and we are walking up the street, the waiter comes running after me and when he has successfully managed to maneuver me out of hearing distance of my family he tells me he wants to give me his number and asks if he may.
The guys name is Rasul and it’s Arabic meaning is messenger. The very next day I have a session with the healer that I have been doing the two sessions a month with since October. Well Rasul sure turned out to be a messenger and I never did call him although I thanked him in 5D for the message he came to deliver. What we saw was that Rasul had given me everything I had hoped my twin would have done, instead of give up and although I understood why my twin had given up – it turned out there was a lot of anger stored in my liver that I needed to release.
Rasul had also felt if I let her go now, she will walk out of my life forever and I don’t want that so he had done what he needed to do make sure he could stay in touch with me. My twin had promised me, that he would do this – but instead he let me go. I had a lot of resentment there, that I had to deal with in order to work it out of my body and energy field without of course dumping it on my twin.
Work on the inner growth
At some point I had really reached a place that I just didn’t give a f*ck anymore. I cut up my vision board with all my dreams of a future with my twin and burned it to ashes in the fireplace.
Then I asked myself what I wanted to create next?
A dream came – that was so big, that it really challenged me to step into my own greatness. There was NO WAY to manifest this dream using 3D ways of logic. The only way to create this as my physical reality would be by aligning to it in 5D first, just as I had just done with my Twin Flame but of which I had not seen real 3D proof yet, that it worked as it should in theory.
When the great magnitude of this inner growth I was called to make, really hit me. I thanked God on my knees that union had not come when I had wanted it. Because I realized that if my twin would have come as was predicted, I would have stayed in the smaller version of myself. I would have just been so happy with being his wife, having his baby – that would have been good enough for me.
When I finally did speak to my twin again a couple of weeks later at the end of April 2017 I shared my ginormous dream with him and he loved what I wanted to create and I thanked him for not making me his wife when I had insisted on it, because I wouldn’t have wanted to have skipped this amazing shift I am in now, for the world. I love my twin with all my heart and soul and I still would love to be his wife and have his children, but first I want to become the ME that this whole process with him has shown me a glimpse of.
I strongly believe that when I become who I am meant to be and really step into the greatest version of myself, union slides in by itself.
Seeing where the 5D work has got me so far, which I share with you in the next paragraphs – I know in my gut that this will deliver the in 3D results I want to manifest, just like following my inner guidance nine months ago brought my twin back in my life like I had hoped it would.
Trust what is coming through in 5D
Now the rooky mistake that I made and I see my clients make as well is wanting instant results in 3D. It doesn’t work like that and my initial reaction to all the reassuring signs I was getting in 5D, but not seeing anywhere close to my physical reality was ‘F*ck this, don’t give me anymore vague 5D signs I want to see some action in 3D.’ Of course the Universe responded to my little tantrums with ‘Oh yes, you have so much resistance and energy going towards these 5D signs let me give you a little bit more of those, cause you sure seem to love them – judging by all the focus and energy you’ve got going there..’ Arrrrgh, so I soon realized it was futile to resist what IS and I would just bare them as the Universe kept piling up the signs.
I also came across many people and situations that showed me that I was in the vortex and that confirmed to me that what I was doing was what I needed to be doing to see the manifestation of my desires in 3D. For example I started meeting twins in union, who confirmed to me that this was the way to do it.
At some point I even dared to trust the signs again, which is a whole story in and of itself that I’ll skip for now. But fast forward another seven months (since his birthday) and I finally speak to my twin again, I refuse to go first this time reminding him that the last time I did that he bolted on me and I got to know nothing about what was going on for him. So he starts talking and telling me everything that has more or less happened since we last spent time together and I swear he confirmed EVERYTHING that Spirit had already shown me in 5D.
Not only that, he took back everything he had said before (which I had refused to believe anyway) and let me know what was really in his heart for me, what of course corresponded with what I have in my heart for him. He shared with me that his life had not been easy these past close to two years and that he had also left his company in the web design business (this is how we met) and had started a new career and business in a completely different field, just like I had done.
The whole time before, until that call it had looked like all was lost for good in 3D. It looked utterly hopeless. I recently even had well meaning friends in India app me pics of my twin, urging me to move on… But I already had seen the pics myself and Spirit had shown me the story behind them, which my twin confirmed on our call without me even needing to ask anything. I just let him talk and I listened. He had absolutely no grievances that he wanted to discuss, nor did I (I had successfully worked through my resentment) and we just enjoyed spending time together. Catching up on where we both were now in our lives.
From June 2016 until the day we reconnected the Universe had been very creative in showing me 222 and 11:11 in a myriad of ways and often multiple times a day. So much so, that I was sometimes irritated by these promises and it just not manifesting. It literally took nine months! Just before my twin and I spoke on the phone I even saw the number 222 on the shirt of a security guard at the Tony Robbins event. 222 meaning to keep faith that all is being working out by spirit for the highest good of all involved and lots of other yummy stuff. Actually only the week before I flew out to London, I had felt my twin and I fully reconnect to each other in 5D, which was weird cause I had reached a place that I didn’t care anymore. I was just doing my stuff and totally psyched about what I was creating for myself.
Apparently that was the exact right space to be and all of a sudden all channels of communication are open again. Go figure.
I pray that sharing my story with you will also inspire you to do the 5D work that in the end opens the door in 3D again, it will may not happen instantly although every journey is unique and your experience can be different. But as you can read in my example if you keep at it, it will shift at some point when the time is right and when you have done the healing work and the soul growth needed to reach the next level in your union in progress.
For the coming weeks I will be busy with other projects and as writing these blogs takes me up to 10 – 12 hours a week I will not be writing for the coming weeks. I did open up a YouTube channel where you can follow me on video, as that will take far less time to create.
If you want to stay close to me and like what I teach, I go even deeper into everything you need to know on the Twin Flame journey, in the Align to your Divine Plan – Twin Flame Mastery Program that only my Twin Flame Tribe members have full access to. In our private online group I also pop in daily to comment on posts or share my insights.