In this soul teaching on debunking the Twin Flame Narcissist myth, why you can’t have the relationship you want with Narcissists, psychopaths or any kind of addict, you will learn:
Looking around on the internet in the big Twin Flame groups or on Google at all the posts and videos on the Twin Flame narcissist phenomenon, you would think that a large percentage of the Twin Flame collective is dealing with a Twin Flame who is a narcissist.
But don’t let these outer appearances fool you, things are not what they seem. Something that I will explain thoroughly in this article in which I will debunk the Twin Flame narcissist myth.
The very first thing that we need to address is that narcissism is a mental health disease that can ONLY be diagnosed by a mental health professional such as a psychologist or a psychiatrist. Even family physicians and general practitioners are generally not trained or well-equipped to make this type of psychological diagnosis.
Yet within the population in general and the Twin Flame community specifically, many layman ‘diagnose’ their twin/parent/partner to have a narcissistic personality disorder and carelessly slap on the narcissist label without really understanding what it truly means to be a narcissist.
So, let’s first look into the official clinical definition of this mental health disease….
What is a narcissistic personality disorder?
Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is a personality disorder characterized by a long-term pattern of exaggerated feelings of self-importance, an excessive need for admiration, and a lack of empathy toward other people. People with NPD often spend much time thinking about achieving power and success, or on their appearance. Typically, they also take advantage of the people around them. Such narcissistic behavior typically begins by early adulthood, and occurs across a broad range of situations.
Therapy is difficult, because people with narcissistic personality disorder usually do not consider themselves to have a mental health problem. About one percent of people are believed to be affected with NPD at some point in their lives. It occurs more often in men than women, and typically affects younger as opposed to older people. Source: Wikipedia
A narcissistic personality disorder is rare as only about 1% of people are believed to be affected with NPD at some point in their life, on a population of 7.8 billion people worldwide that would mean only 78 million people would have this affliction and these people would not all be clustered in your country – they would be spread out over the world. For example in America, only 0.5% is estimated to have NPD among the general population, this percentage is higher within certain subgroups. Source: Medscape
America has a population of 330 million people currently, so that would mean there were roughly be 1,650500 people suffering in the United States. To be clear that means that far less than 2 million people are estimated to have NPD in the USA and over 328 million people do not have this mental health disease. It’s actually pretty rare and not rampant, like even many mainstream media headlines tend to suggest.
These are the 9 official criteria for a narcissistic personality disorder diagnosis:
- grandiose sense of self-importance
- preoccupation with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love
- belief they’re special and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people or institutions
- need for excessive admiration
- sense of entitlement
- interpersonally exploitative behavior
- lack of empathy
- envy of others or a belief that others are envious of them
- demonstration of arrogant and haughty behaviors or attitudes
In order for a person to be diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) they must meet five or more of the above symptoms. The pattern has to be stable and of long duration, and its onset can be traced back to early adulthood or adolescence.
I think we can all agree that we don’t know that many people who fit the above criteria, which doesn’t mean that people can not exhibit narcissistic behavior. Everyone can behave narcissistic from time to time, but that does not make them a narcissist.
The difference is that people who exhibit narcissistic behavior do so situation related and not throughout all areas of their life and they can be corrected or self-correct, a person suffering narcissistic personality disorder like a person in a psychosis does not even realize his/her perception of reality is skewed, i.e. they live in another reality than the rest of the world.
Narcissists can be high functioning and blend in much better than a person who suffers for example psychosis or paranoia of which it is blatantly clear that their perception of reality is incorrect. This makes narcissism so difficult to deal with because when dealing with a narcissist they are so persuasive of their perception of reality, that they can easily persuade others (outsiders) to believe them and usually cause their victims to doubt their own perception of reality and inevitably their own sanity (the infamous gas-lighting).
Dealing with a narcissist is like entering the Twilight Zone, it’s filled with drama, suspense, terror and horror on a continual basis with short interludes of what seems like normalcy as long as you do and say what you are required to in order to fit in the role that the narcissist has assigned you in his/her ‘perfect world’ view. Living or dealing with a true narcissist is scary AF, because you never quite know how they will react which is in essence also true for psychopaths and the two often get confused because they have many traits in common.
Why do we want to be with someone who is not well?
But here’s the thing it doesn’t really matter what mental health disease a person has, people who have mental health diseases are NOT good partner material. Which is also true for drug, alcohol, sex or gambling addicts and so on.
They first need to get better, before they can be the (life) partner you would like them to be.
Healing can only be done by the person themselves, we cannot heal others and therefore until this person has taken responsibility for their own healing – you should steer clear of them and work on healing yourself. Because it takes a certain kind of complimentary subconscious wounding in you to attract this kind of (potential) romantic partners into your life.
If you can BE anything you want and you can HAVE anything you want, then why would you want to be with someone who is so broken that their lives don’t work for them? Why would you put up with the constant drama, pain and inevitable disappointment that come with these kind of relationships? It can only be because you are trying to prove your worth or don’t believe you deserve any better, which are patterns that stem from subconscious wounding that you need to fix in you.
I don’t know how this is for men, but as women we love to fall in love with someone’s potential instead of who they really are at this moment and that does not have always to be a bad thing – if the other person is working hard to fulfill their potential. But we have to stop getting into love relationships that are a 5 to 10 year remodeling project. Why not simply hold out for the exact right fit? Being in a relationship should not be more important, than the quality of that relationship. There are people out there who are not broken and with whom you can actually HAVE the relationship that you dream of. You do not have to settle for society’s rejects or people that do not fit your relationship criteria.
Being a single mother in a big city I have made rules for myself that I live by, which include not accepting domination or violence from a partner (been there, done that, you really don’t get a prize) but also saying no to a criminal record, philandering, any form of addiction including drugs, sex, alcohol or gambling. No matter how good he is in bed, because I don’t need that drama in my life.
I lived in Amsterdam for a large part of my adult life, where it is culturally accepted to smoke weed but I have seen up close and personal what weed can do to people. My oldest son suffers drugs related psychosis, which means that as long as he doesn’t do drugs he is fine and that when he does do drugs he quickly goes into psychosis and he lives in a completely different reality then. I do not allow drugs in my house or near my children and I have consequently refused to date men who smoke weed, even when they were cute and sweet. I stuck to my principles even when that meant no boyfriend or sex and this was prior to meeting my twin.
Why if you are interested in getting ahead in life and the people that love my articles are exactly the people who want to get ahead in life. They want to create an extraordinary life for themselves and create a ripple effect of healing that transforms the world…. Why would you self-sabotage yourself by getting involved with someone that intentionally or subconsciously is going to drag you down in their own pain, that they have not dealt with?
You could be out there living your life purpose, inspiring people and living your mission. You could be changing lives and being all that you can be. Instead you are struggling to make it work with someone that devalues you, disrespects you, hurts you and so on…..
Why are you choosing this path? I’ll tell you why, because of your own subconscious wounding from this life (including childhood) and previous lifetimes. Heal those wounds and you will no longer be a bum magnet (Vivian Ward, Pretty Woman 1990).
An initiation to step into your own power
You are attracting sick puppies, because you are a sick puppy too – but you don’t have to be.
You have the power to turn your life and your reality around. I know this for a fact because I have done it. I ran away from home when I was 16 years old and went to live with my 6 years older boyfriend, who had never hit me before until the first week I moved in with him. My then boyfriend and later husband, was not my Twin Flame but listen up guys and girls the Twin Flame label is not an excuse to put up with real actual abuse.
Too many people who are in very toxic and abusive relationships try to make it seem that it’s okay what they are going through because it’s part of the Twin Flame journey and the Ascension path. It’s part of their spiritual evolution, they tell themselves and others.
Bi@tch please! Stop sticking your head in the sand.
Martyrdom is not spiritual, it’s victimy and very very 3D. You do not get any bonus points in colluding in keeping yourself small, victimized and oppressed. It is the complete opposite of where the Twin Flame journey and Ascension path is meant to take you.
As souls we attract these people and situations to help us step into our power and when we step into our power these people either change or leave our lives.
My first husband, the 6 year older boyfriend left me after 13 years because he couldn’t love me anymore because I wasn’t the person HE wanted me to be. Thank God he fell in love with our neighbor’s teen mom daughter, because that got me and the kids out alive. This was a strategic step in his smear campaign of me, to make himself look like the dotting father while he categorically refused to take care of his own children and was even so convincing that he got my son’s elementary school to believe that I was moving to Germany to live in a cult that was going to provide for me and the children.
In reality our mutual divorce lawyer, not being able to defend me in court because it would be perceived as a conflict of interest had carefully instructed me on how to get out of the choke-hold my ex had me in by avoiding the courtrooms where he had the law on his side because it was my word against his and I didn’t have any hard evidence. I moved to Germany 5 minutes across the border of where my mother’s family lived because it was the ONLY place where I could get a house immediately. There was no cult of course, I had my own money, these were just all stories he had made up to discredit me. He even went as far as to start an affair with a mother in my son’s class, while I was pregnant with our daughter to make it seem that anything coming from my mouth was from a woman scorned….
So honey, trust me I know what you are going through when you are dealing with someone who invents their own reality and successfully convinces everyone else that it is true.
I went all the way to the top to get the school to apologize by filing an official complaint through the mayor’s office and if you go high enough you will get a retraction, but people directly influenced by this person will fall for their stories hook, line and sinker. Because they had bought into his story, they allowed his father to drag my son out of class kicking and screaming when it was my week and my son had just given all of his teachers a flower and treated the kids in his class to nachos as a way to say goodbye. My son was then held hostage for two days and the police refused to intervene because it would be too traumatic for my son.
On the day that we were to move to Germany, my mother watched the baby and got everything ready while I took a taxi to my ex-husband’s house early in the morning. I sprang my son through the garage door, put him in the taxi while the neighbor (whose daughter he was now with) started sounding the alarm and by the time my ex was out of bed and in the street – I was on my way to Germany with both my children. I had two options at that time and that was to leave my son behind or take him with me, so I did what every mother would do and that was get my child.
This was something my ex had always threatened me with, that if I left I would leave without my child. Or that if I left he would burn everything to the ground, because I wouldn’t get a cent from him if I ever left him. He got away with it too, he played the victim card and I had to appeal the first court decision to even get a fair amount in child support and then he refused to pay it anyway. He refused to take care of the kids or pay for them and when his absence in their lives starting taking its toll on the kids, he told me that it was all my fault. This would have never happened, had I not left him!
He was the kind of man that if I was home 5 minutes too late, that he would interrogate me for hours on who I was secretly f*cking behind his back and remember I was 15 and a virgin when we started dating. He is the most twisted and violent person I know, but he held up his end of the deal of our soul contract. I stepped into my power little by little since I left at the age of 28 and even years after despite our divorce, he offered me the simulation room to become someone that you can shove all you want but I will not back down. I am unf*ckable with, because I faced and healed all my own weak-spots that he was previously able to play into.
Listen if I who was molded and shaped as a teenager by my predator can break free, then so can you. Getting out isn’t easy, my story shows that and I know other women’s stories which are even worse than mine, but you can leave toxic and abusive relationships behind you which is what we as Twin Flames have come here to do – bring in new relationship and love templates. This is only possible when we stop rehashing the old ones that clearly do not work.
If you grew up with a narcissist or narcissistically inclined parent, know that you chose this parent to help you learn how to step into your power. Especially when we have had lifetimes and lifetimes of playing the victim role (I certainly had) we can choose these difficult initiations in our parental or intimate relationships to help us break free from victim consciousness once and for all.
Why do we think a narcissist is a Twin Flame?
Which brings us back to the topic at hand, why do we confuse the Twin Flame concept with a narcissist? There are a couple of reasons why:
Twin Flame signs and symptoms
One thing that should be BANNED from the Twin Flame community is all these posts and videos (clickbait) that list signs and symptoms of a Twin Flame connection. They are such BS and get a lot of people into trouble, believing themselves to be Twin Flames when they are not. Did you know that around 30% of the people on a survey last year were wrong at least once about who they believe to be their Twin Flame?
Why? Because they labeled the other their Twin Flame on their own misguided feelings, tarot readings, because a psychic told them and drum roll please because they ticked all the boxes on the Twin Flame signs and symptoms list. My second ex-husband (who is a soulmate) and I score really high on these lists as well – but we are not Twin Flames. This is not the way to validate a Twin Flame connection.
If you want to know if this person is your Twin Flame, use this foolproof method here. If you follow the instructions to the letter and you don’t bend the rules to fit your needs, you will get the answer you seek.
Another BIG reason for confusing a Twin Flame with a narcissist and the other way around is through misreading and misinterpreting their behavior.
On the one hand you have people calling their Twin Flames abusive, stonewalling and for example disrespectful because the twin isn’t doing or saying what they want them to do. Stop being a drama queen and stop projecting your own wounds on your twin if this is you.
On the other hand you have women thinking that vicious cycles of fighting, anger and violence is their twin being triggered. That their so-called twin using stonewalling or other forms of punishment and control is them running and so on.
But here is the thing both are taking the same concepts out of context the first is applying them to make their twin seem a narcissist and the second is using the very same concepts to hide the truth that this person is toxic and abusive and most likely not their Twin Flame.
A narcissist will use every situation as an opportunity to feel superior, gain or maintain control and make you know your place as his or her subordinate. They will use taking affection away from you to punish you, but at the same time use affection to regain or maintain control.
When you are not in a committed relationship with your Twin Flame and they refuse to respond that is not stonewalling, because there is no relationship. They are free not to want to talk to you and not to want to talk it out. Stonewalling is a term used within intimate relationships for when one partner refuses to communicate with the other and find a solution, it is a passive aggressive control method that leads to divorce more often than not.
In a toxic relationship a narcissist or psychopath will cut off contact to punish you or get you to fall in line. It’s meant to make you wrong and apologize. This isn’t what your Twin Flame is doing when they ignore your text or calls – your twin is not trying to condition your response or solicit preferred behavior from you. Yes, it’s s*cks big time when they don’t want to talk to you but it’s not abuse. It’s painful yes, but that is because it is triggering subconscious wounds within you of rejection, abandonment and fear of loss.
Also it may seem or be disrespectful if they don’t pick up your call or reply to your text, but how disrespectful are you when you keep texting or calling them when they don’t respond?! Why do you keep crossing the boundaries they have set, even when you don’t really understand why they have set them? I’ll tell you why because their doing so also triggers all your fears of not being good enough, lovable or deserving happiness.
But are they really intentionally hurting you? A psychopath and a narcissist intentionally target and hurt you, they push and prod in your weak-spots because they know it hurts and because they know that your kneeling to the ground makes them feel strong and powerful. Your twin not answering their phone is not the f*cking same thing people. In fact the distinct difference between the two is that your twin does not intentionally use your weak-spots against you to gain control and feel superior, they help you become aware of your weak-spots in a soft way (which is still painful, because the underlying wounds are painful) so that you can face them and heal them.
While toxic and abusive relationships DIS-EMPOWER you, a Twin Flame relationship EMPOWERS you. A narcissist or psychopath will make you feel worse about yourself, a Twin Flame will help you understand where you are undervaluing yourself in order to stop doing so and start seeing your true worth. Narcissists and psychopaths tear you down, while your Twin Flame provides you the opportunity to build yourself up (they can’t build you up for you, you have to do it yourself).
The two are polar opposites and so a narcissist is NEVER ready to meet their Twin Flame and therefore will not meet them, because they are far too sick mentally to embark on their Ascension path. They are stuck in a state of ego inflation which keeps them looping in what we would refer to as ‘karmic’ relationships. Until the narcissist heals the inflated ego, they can’t align to the Twin Flame process.
I believe everyone is a Twin Flame, but we only meet up with our Twin Flames in the physical and recognize each other as such when we are ready to break the cycle of death and rebirth. A narcissist already thinks and acts as if he is God and so in other words, he/she is still firmly stuck in illusion (Māyā). He or she is not ready to wake up.
Because we are afraid to let go
Over the years I have also had many girlfriends who thought they had met their Twin Flame and stayed in absolutely horrid relationships because collectively we seem to think that a Twin Flame romantic relationship is the be-all, end-all of relationships. It is the highest love attainable and although that’s true it’s not exactly true.
Kind of like a boyfriend who wanted me to pee during sex (which I refused) because it would make me more wet. Uh yeah, that’s the wrong kind of wet dude!
In the same way the highest attainable love is not the equivalent of romantic or sexual love. The highest attainable love is unconditional, which means that you love this person even if you aren’t or maybe will not be together in this lifetime.
It is time to stop with this BS of projecting PERFECT LOVE on to the Twin Flame connection, yes it is perfect love because it is unconditional love but that does NOT mean that it will be perfect love in a romantic bliss way. I’m not saying that it won’t be, I am saying that it doesn’t mean that specifically because perfect love is first and foremost learning to love perfectly (unconditionally) and not having perfect love fall down from the sky and bop you on the head when you yourself have no clue what it truly means to love yourself or anyone else.
It is our fear of not having this perfect love, that keeps us holding on to complete jerks and morons in order to have the relationship we so deeply desire and that never are – this fairy-tale love come true. You need to realize that if this person is your Twin Flame, you CANNOT lose them and you have to be willing to walk away if you want to be with them. That is simply a part of the Twin Flame initiation to demand your twin steps into the highest expression of him- or herself as well, not by pushing and forcing but by being willing to genuinely live a happy life without them if they don’t.
But, what about the narcissist/empath attraction?
By now because it has been repeated often enough for us to believe that narcissist and empaths really do attract each other, we think it’s a real thing. But so do victims and predators and sadist and masochists. In fact people with a masochistic or victim subconscious programming running, will attract predatory or sadistic behavior within someone who may not act that way toward others.
My father for example who was an alcoholic and certainly deranged for a fair part of his life, used to beat my mother severely, leaving physical evidence of his abuse. I have never seen him hit or physically abuse my stepmother. I think she would have whooped his ass if he had tried. My first husband hit me but was sure to never leave marks of his violence on me, in his second marriage he did finally take anger management therapy and he claims to have never hit his second wife. He chased me down the stairs and into the street. He choked me and at one time when I wanted out of our marriage, he put a knife in my hand and ordered me to stab him. I had already robbed him of everything worth living for if I would leave, I might as well kill him. Luckily a neighbor living behind us saw everything through the kitchen window and called 911. The police were there in a matter of minutes, which diffused the situation.
The problem with all of these labels is that they keep us stuck in a dualistic worldview and only serve to keep us powerless and being the victim. Even though I was the victim in my first marriage, it wasn’t just my ex husband being violent that got us there. I grew up in a home where my father abused my mother, but so did my ex-husband. His father one time stabbed his mother at the dinner table with a fork and called her a whore. She had gotten knocked up by another man after my ex husband was born and his father had taken her back with the child that wasn’t his. He never took it out on the child, but he did take it out on his wife and at the age of 16 my ex husband put a fire-poke on his dad’s throat and told him that if he would ever hit his mother again he would kill him. His mother immediately filed for divorce after that.
So, yeah he and I had perfect matching wounding and we spent our 13 years together, with him bullying me to be who he wanted me to be and me telling him that he was not allowed to use violence against me or allowed to drag our son into our fights. He would sit my son down at three years old and tell him that he was not going to be his father anymore, but so and so was going to be his father because his mother was a whore. This is what happened to him as a child. We repeat what we learn from the people that raise us.
It takes two people to create these dynamics, so it’s no use to demonize one and exonerate the other of their own responsibility. Looking back, I know now that I should have walked out the door the very first time that he hit me. But I didn’t because I felt right at home with the violence, because it was the exact same violence that I grew up in. My first ex husband would definitely score high on a narcissistic scale and in any case a psychopath, but viewing him as such is only playing the blame-game and an attempt to shove off my own responsibility for the wounds of my own childhood and how those predisposed me to attracting a life partner that would perpetuate the abuse I knew in my childhood which included sexual abuse.
My ex-husband raped me when I was six months pregnant with our son because I had spent the night talking to our house guest, the kid brother of one of my classmates in the States who was visiting Europe. We got caught up in talking about our elementary school friends, the teachers and the lives we lived and lost track of time. There was no hanky panky going on and I was humongous at 6 months, so definitely not a hot chick that this guy just couldn’t wait to bang. But due to his own childhood wounding my first ex husband saw infidelity everywhere, even when it wasn’t there.
What should you do if your twin is a narcissist?
As you can see I know what I am talking about from my own experience and this is what I have learned, whether you believe this person is a narcissist or if you belief your Twin Flame has narcissistic personality disorder which automatically makes it improbable that this is your twin for reasons I explained above:
Realize that you can’t fix or heal others
You cannot heal or fix others and above all, you cannot love someone to change. The reason why I stayed so long in such a shitty marriage was because I naively thought my love for him could change him and it never did. No matter how hard I tried to prove my loyalty and love to him, it didn’t change him because he was not willing to look at himself.
He would tell me that I was crazy, I needed help – but there was and is nothing wrong with him. He still tells everyone that is willing to listen to him about how crazy I am. The last time somebody told me that I said, hmm interesting when do ex-es usually have something good to say about their ex? They hardly do in the 3D world. Plus, he has to tell everyone I am crazy to invalidate my stories of his abuse during our marriage. Don’t listen to her, she’s crazy in the same way that having a very visible affair while I was pregnant with our daughter was also meant to discredit me because it was obvious that anything I said would be because I was jealous or wanted revenge.
The truth is that he left me because I insisted that he would go into therapy as well and that is when he decided that he didn’t love me anymore because I wasn’t who he wanted me to be and because I had not allowed him to bully me into the abortion he wanted me to have.
Everyone HAS TO TAKE RESPONSIBILITY for their own healing, there are no exceptions and so if someone is not willing to face their own subconscious dragons and demons you can love them till you are blue in the face and it will change nothing. You can’t force someone to heal or change and that is the other lesson I learned, because they will only pretend to and then revert back to their old patterns and conditioning.
So, walk away. If this person really values you and their relationship with you they will truly step up or not, but nothing you could have said or done would have changed the outcome if they don’t. They were simply not ready to take responsibility for their own life and healing.
Realize that Twin Flames are mirrors
I don’t think that many people who are screaming from the rooftops that their twin is a narcissist get this….
Your Twin Flame is your mirror.
If he/she is a narcissist, then what does that make you?!
Oh yeah you are an empath, a person with the paranormal ability to perceive the mental or emotional state of another individual.
In other words you are a highly evolved spiritual being, with extraordinary paranormal abilities that is extremely sensitive and can feel everybody else’s feelings as if they are your own.
I am not knocking being an empath, but can you see how there could be some inflated ego in that perception of self as well?
Oh your twin is toxic or abusive? Ah and so where are you being toxic and abusive in your life without realizing it. I had a follower once try to convince me that her twin was toxic and abusive, but she was toxic and abusive herself because she wanted her twin to get diagnosed because she believed that he was bi-polar. She herself was suicidal and on anti-depressants and was projecting her own wounding on to him. Interestingly enough, when I didn’t agree with her she became abusive and toxic towards me.
We see our own subconscious patterns crystal clear in the reflection of our Divine mirror that our Twin Flame holds up for us and we for them. Sometimes, it’s uncomfortable to own them and we prefer to project them outside of ourselves – but this doesn’t change the fact that they are our patterns, our wounds, our programming whether we own them or disown them.
Realize that you can ONLY change yourself
You really can only change yourself and so telling yourself that your Twin Flame is a narcissist is like giving yourself the death sentence because if this is your twin then you are f*cked. A true narcissist will not easily become better, because they are not the problem in their perception – you are. They externalize and project all their issues, because they can’t own them AND maintain their inflated sense of self. They gaslight you in an attempt to deflect any attention that would point out their own lack or imperfection.
So, instead of wasting your time tugging on a dead horse – focus on the ONE THING that you do have power over and that is the power to change yourself and your own life.
While my first ex husband is still wasting his breathe telling me and everybody else about how much he hates me, I have lifted myself up out of poverty and have crafted my dream life. I am no longer a bum magnet, I have a very successful online business that has allowed me the freedom to live where I want to live and I chose the island life in Ibiza. I have a big beautiful home there near the sea, something that I have always dreamed of and I get up every morning super excited because I love, love, love the work that I do,
Through my Twin Flame connection I have come into inner union as part of my personal Ascension process and I now have created the opportunity to support others in their healing journey and Ascension process, by teaching them step by step how to create inner union in the Twin Flame School of Inner Union. I was already doing healing sessions and using homeopathy and Bach Flowers in my first marriage, but it is by continuing to do so and much more over the past many years since my divorce that I was able to step into a complete new reality.
I could have never become who I am now if I would have stayed in that marriage, because my first ex husband wasn’t ambitious. He has the life he wants and is fine with it, I was absolutely dying in the superficiality of our lives. We owned our own house, had a car, a scooter, good incomes and good food – but I couldn’t be me in our relationship. I could only be who HE wanted me to be and in the end I could not keep on betraying myself. I had to become who I was destined to be and that was scary AF because he had spent 13 years of my life convincing me that I was NOTHING without him and that I could not survive without him.
I had to teach myself not only how to survive, but how to thrive and I have. When I look back now, I smile at the scared little girl that I was – so afraid to REALLY live, period.
Now, years later I live my life on my own terms.
Mentally, emotionally, vibrationally and physically free from the shackles with which I had enslaved myself. Because that is what I discovered when I went down the rabbit hole of my own healing, nobody had ever done it to me. I had been my own jailer all along, I had done this to me and I could choose to stop doing this to myself. I could let go of the past and no longer have it define who I am in the here and now, and so can you.
Is a narcissist a false Twin Flame?
Another thing you will find online is the idea that a narcissist is somehow a false Twin Flame and I want to point something out here before we address that, Remember that only 1% of the world population is thought to have narcissistic personality disorder, this means that the majority of the people believing to be in a relationship with a narcissist are mistaken.
That person may exhibit narcissistic behavior which may compliment their own subconscious wounding or they maybe projecting their own subconscious (disowned) wounding onto their partner or Twin Flame but it is not true that there is a disproportionate amount of narcissists in the Twin Flame community. Instead there is a disproportionate amount of Twin Flames believing their twin is a narcissist or think a narcissist is their Twin Flame.
This may sound the same, but it is profoundly different. It’s actually very similar to the false narrative of the Black Lives Matter movement, which is statistically untrue. In fact the majority of black people are for 94% being killed by other black people and not by racist white cops. But you never hear BLM about those black lives because they don’t fit their political agenda.
From 1976 to 2005, 94 percent of the killers of black murder victims were other African Americans. Source: National Review
Just because everybody is saying that their Twin Flame is a narcissist and there are hundreds of blogs and articles on this subject by people who say their twin was a narcissist or their false twin was a narcissist, doesn’t make it true. The trick is that because a falsehood is repeated over and over again, we start to believe it is true. This also applies to the notion of a false Twin Flame and many other Twin Flame falsehoods and myths.
This is called the the illusory truth effect also known as the illusion of truth effect, validity effect, truth effect, or the reiteration effect. The illusory truth effect is the tendency to believe false information to be correct after repeated exposure. This phenomenon was first identified in a 1977 study at Villanova University and Temple University. When truth is assessed, people rely on whether the information is in line with their understanding or if it feels familiar. The first condition is logical, as people compare new information with what they already know to be true. Repetition makes statements easier to process relative to new, unrepeated statements, leading people to believe that the repeated conclusion is more truthful. The illusory truth effect has also been linked to hindsight bias, in which the recollection of confidence is skewed after the truth has been received. Source: Wikipedia
If you repeat a lie long enough, it starts to sound like the truth.
When it comes to the concept of false Twin Flames, let me keep it short and simple. Someone IS or ISN’T your Twin Flame, there is no in between. If that is true, then there cannot be such a thing as a false Twin Flame because it would simply mean that this person IS NOT your Twin Flame which is true for the rest of 7.8 billion other people currently incarnated on planet Earth, not to mention all the souls currently dis-incarnated.
Do we call all these people our false Twin Flame? Nope, we reserve that label to soften the blow to our ego for being WRONG about believing someone to be your twin. So A, there aren’t that many true narcissists to share and there is no reason to believe that there would be a greater amount of narcissists in the Twin Flame community because a narcissist is not ready to meet his or her Twin Flame. Why would your soul or the Universe f*ck you up by sending you someone in your life to help you wake up, but who is unwilling and incapable of waking up themselves yet? If that is what you think the Universe is capable of, you need to heal your perception of and connection to the Divine. And B, the term false Twin Flame is a euphemism used to mask that someone was wrong about their own connection. It’s a term that you can use to save face, so that you don’t have to admit that you made a mistake.
Over the years a lot has been said and written about Twin Flame narcissists and false Twin Flames, which makes it appear as if these are legitimate issues but they are not. They are falsehoods, that have simply been repeated over and over again and now have started to live a life of their own.
What about Twin Flame union with a narcissist?
If you have made it this far into the article which is almost close to 7.000 words you know what my answer is going to be.
You can forget about Twin Flame union or a physical romantic relationship (which is not the same thing) with anyone who is a sick puppy and that includes a narcissist, an addict (no matter what his/her vice is), a psychopath, sociopath or anyone else suffering a severe mental health disease. You can even forget about coming into union with someone who is depressed, you might be in a relationship with them but that won’t be a very fulfilling or happy relationship because you are living with a depressed person.
Both partners have to be healed and awake which many of you think you already are when you are not. Being awake, does not mean that you recognized your Twin Flame and you are consciously on a spiritual path. No, truly being woke means that you have woken up to your true self and not who you believed to be based on current and past life wounding which is what forms our ego and personality which we mistake to be our true self. That is a lie as well, you are not your ego and you are not your personality. Mentally grasping this concept is not being woke, it means you are still in the process of awakening, You have to be able to actually live it, to be able to call yourself awakened. To live your soul truth and not your human wounding.
A narcissist, a true one is so caught up in the illusion of his own superiority and power and so convinced of the legitimacy of his world view that the chances of them waking up in this lifetime are next to zero. Abraham Maslow who invented the hierarchy of needs and put self-actualization at the top of the pyramid thought only 2% of the population would reach self-realization so it wasn’t that easy to start with.
Luckily for you however, this is a non-issue because the chances of your Twin Flame being a narcissist are zilch. You guys are not going to cross paths in this way if one or both of you is not ready to wake up. Yes, Twin Flames do meet up in lifetimes where they both are unaware of the connection but I do not believe in huge differences in soul evolution between Twin Flames. For example you can’t be an old soul and your Twin Flame being a young or unevolved one, how would that work if you are as many Twin Flame teachers like to put it the same soul, in two bodies?
As for the rest of the sick puppies mentioned before, provided they face their own dragons and demons and heal themselves, in time you could come into Twin Flame union because people can make quantum leaps in consciousness. If I look at the life I used to live and the life I live now, it’s like a complete different lifetime and I am a completely different person. This is true for ALL of us, when we stop living our wounding.
Like Carl Jung founder of psychoanalysis said:
“Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.”
Every human being is living out their subconscious wounding, which attracts the situations, people and experiences that they encounter in life. Remove the subconscious wounds and you alter your reality. This is potentially even true for a narcissist, but because they externalize and deflect everything that does not fit their perception of reality they will not likely be willing to face their own subconscious wounds because that would undermine their pathological inflated sense of self. Deep down they have deep insecurities and low self-esteem which they completely disown.
Why it really doesn’t matter at all
In the end it doesn’t really matter where your Twin Flame is at and I want you to really get this you are either projecting your own wounding on this person or this person is not your Twin Flame that is basically it, when it comes to Twin Flame narcissists. If you are dealing with a true narcissist, fine then also know that this automatically means this person is NOT your Twin Flame
Just so that we are clear: Twin Flame ≠ Narcissist, the two are mutually exclusive.
Hypothetically it is possible as everyone has a Twin Flame and your twin could have narcissistic personality disorder BUT you will not contract a life to wake up together to the truth of who you are in these situations. Instead, the experience would help you heal ONE specific trauma by replaying it. Like a past life with my twin in which we were brothers, there is another myth by the way – the myth that you can ONLY be lovers with your twin in each and every lifetime, which is not true. This is the only past life in which my twin victimized me, he killed me over a lump of gold. That was very significant for me in my soul timeline, as it helped he heal a trauma from when I was an alchemist who had accomplished creating gold and my sibling stabbed me in the heart to claim my life work as her own.
My Twin Flame and I have had over a dozen past lifetimes that I have seen in sessions with my own healers. We have been lovers, partners, he has been my brother, my mother, and my brother in arms in a lifetime where I was a man. He has been the female in our connection as well as that I have been the man in a couple of them. He has been gay during one of our marriages, but I was also a lesbian once in a previous lifetime with my second ex husband. We have been Indian, European, Egyptian, Australian, African and so on. Currently I am European and my Twin Flame is Indian, he lives in a country where I have had an excessive amount of past lives.
Let me really blunt here if you are looking for romantic bliss come true, walk away from the Twin Flame community because that is not what this journey is about. This journey is about your own full blossoming and your ability to blossom can never be curtailed or blocked by anyone else. If you are looking for someone to bring you into Heaven on Earth, you are barking up the wrong tree, baby. Because the Twin Flame journey leads to unlocking Heaven on Earth inside yourself. May you potentially end up with whom you believe to be your Twin Flame? Yes, that may very well be but if you want this Heaven on Earth experience with this person you have to unlock it inside yourself instead of waiting for them to come and give you it.
That is what it means to be a Twin Flame, it means that you are a grown ass man or woman who can stand on their own two feet and is emotionally mature enough to fulfill their own needs instead of trying to get their needs met through someone else, Because that my loves, is a recipe for disaster. That is exactly HOW we get ourselves in toxic and abusive relationships with narcissists, psychopaths, drug addicts and all the other sick puppies.
The solution is to stop being a sick puppy yourself, that is really what this journey is all about.
We are all on a journey of peeling back the layers of human wounding that have been covering our true nature, our own divinity and soul essence. That is the most important function of the Twin Flame connection, everything else is but the cherry on top.